Introducing The Edmonton Oilers All-Draft Lottery Team

ghjghjjggjfgj

 

There’s no greater hockey tradition in Edmonton than the draft lottery. Three draft lottery championships in the last five years is the stuff of legends. It takes true incompetence to build a team as bad as the Oilers have been in the last decade. Management has turned over the roster year after year since rebuild 2 began in 2010, and here we are five years later back in the lottery for a chance to win the Connor McDavid sweepstakes. Winning this lottery would be a huge step forward for the Oilers in their attempt to no longer be the laughing stock of the league. Luckily for Oilers fans, there has been so much questionable NHL talent roll through town over the last few years, and because of that, we decided to assemble the official ENS Edmonton Oilers All-Draft Lottery team.

The criteria is simple. Anyone who has played 20 or more games in a single season since 2009/2010 was a candidate for the roster. Twelve forwards, six defensemen, two goaltenders and a head coach. Here we go.


Forwards

Line 1

Ryan Potulny Marc-Antoine Pouliot Ryan Jones
(09/10) 64GP: 15-17-32  (09/10) 35GP: 7-7-14 (09/10-13/14) 274GP: 40-32-72

The offensive engine of your Oilers All-Lottery team. Every team needs a solid first line to compete, so I don’t like our chances. As one of many first round draft busts that the Oilers have had over the years, Marc-Antoine Pouliot pulls the first line centre duties. Edmonton infamously selected MAP 22nd overall in the 2003 draft after he rode Sidney Crosby’s coattail playing on his line in the Q. He can now be seen playing somewhere in Germany. Players that were selected after him include Ryan Kesler, Corey Perry and Patrice Bergeron. Pouliot is joined by the two *best* goal scorers available for this squad. Journeyman minor leaguer Ryan Potulny – who somehow managed to play an entire season here – and fan favourite Ryan Jones. People loved Jonesy because of his greasy hair and hard work, but he made the team for his sublime ability to fly the zone for shorthanded breakaways, as well as his ability to help the Oil get hemmed in their own zone whenever he was on the ice.

Line 2

Lennart Petrell Eric Belanger Liam Reddox
(2011-2013) 95GP: 7-11-18 (2011-2013) 104GP: 4-15-19 (2009-2011) 53GP: 1-11-12

The scoring takes a nose dive on the second line. That’s to be expected if the Belanger Triangle himself is on the line. The guy scored four goals in two years. JF Jacques laughs at his offensive production. If not for Eric Belanger, I’d be prepared to call this the hardest working line in hockey. Lennart Petrell and Liam Reddox gave Oilers fans absolutely everything they could every single time they were on the ice. In fact Liam Reddox nearly gave his life for the Oilers one night:

Make no mistake about it, Lenny and Liam aren’t here for their offense prowess, they’re here because both of them would probably try to catch the puck with their teeth if that’s what the coach wanted. Every squad needs guys who work this hard, and according to Flames fans, hard work wins hockey games. So why didn’t the Oilers win when these guys were here? One of life’s many unanswered questions.

Line 3

Jean-Francois Jacques Ryan O’Marra Chris VandeVelde
(09/10-10/11) 100GP: 8-9-17 (09/10-11/12) 31GP – 1-6-7 (10/11-12/13) 28GP: 1-2-3

JF Jacques playing 100+ games in the NHL says all you need to know about the Oilers. He was essentially a vending machine on skates, except the vending machine would have actually been able to provide more offense. Chris VandeVelde is the only guy on this illustrious roster that still has an NHL job thanks to Philly doing Oilers things. And where to start with Ryan O’Marra? What needs to be said about our third line centreman? The answer is nothing.

Line 4

Steve Macintyre Ryan Stone Zack Stortini
(09/10-10/11) 38GP: 0-1-1 (09/10) 27GP: 0-6-6 (09/19-10/11) 109GP: 4-13-17

Fourth line = energy line on this squad. Forget all you pansies that hate fighting in hockey. Take a lap. The All-Lottery team might be short on offense, but we won’t be short on entertainment. We’ve got the bash bros, baby. Storts and Stevey Mac. Nobody will even think about laying a finger on one of this quad’s skill guys because if they do they’ll be leaving the ice in a body bag. And of course, Ryan Stone draws the centreman duties on the line. Remember him? Didn’t think so.

Defence

Kurtis Foster Cam Barker
(10/11) 74GP: 8-14-22 (11/12) 25GP: 2-0-2
Jason Strudwick Jim Vandermeer
(09/10-10/11) 115GP: 0-8-8 (10/11) 62GP: 2-12-14
Theo Peckham Colten Teubert
(09/10-12/13) 144GP: 4-13-17 (11/12) 24GP: 0-1-1

Believe it or not (believe it), all six d-men on this roster never played more than 20 games in the NHL once their time in Edmonton was up. Kurtis Foster was signed because he had a wicked slap shot, but in classic Oilers fashion they were oblivious to his complete inability to keep the puck out of his own net. Cam Barker was once a third overall pick in the NHL draft which at the very least should give him a pretty solid trump card to use for chirping guys in his beer league games.

Jason Strudwick once had a shift that was three and a half minutes long because he couldn’t get the puck out of his zone, so we decided it was best to anchor him with a puck moving d-man like Jimmy Vandermeer.

Textbook breakout pass. Jimmy V.

The third pairing on the All-Lottery team is anchored by two guys who turn like boats. Teddy Peckman and Colten Teubert. Two good, tough Canadian boys who will make others pay the price in the d-zone corners and in front of the net. Especially considering they’ll spend 95% of their ice time battling in their own zone.

Goalies

Starter Backup
Jeff Drouin-Deslauriers Yann Denis
(09/10) 48GP  GAA:3.26 SP%: 0.901 (11/12-12/13) 4GP: Bad

I almost think this tandem would have been an upgrade over this year’s. I was baffled to see JDD managed to appear in 48 games in 09/10 but then I remembered we finished in last. Yann Denis didn’t hit the games played limit but he made the team anyways because it’s fucking Yann Denis and why wouldn’t he make the cut?

Head Coach

Dallas Eakins
(13/14-14/15) 36-63-14

You literally could not have expected anyone else.

Share on TumblrShare on RedditTweet about this on TwitterShare on Google+Pin on PinterestShare on FacebookEmail this to someone


You may also like...