Our Favourite Leafs Homer Is Back, This Time Talking Stamkos And Toronto


The Hockey Writers If I were newly-minted Leaf GM Lou Lamoriello, I would seriously consider pursuing Steven Stamkos when and if he becomes an unrestricted free agent (UFA) on July 1, 2016.

To this date, we have already seen waves of debates surrounding three major issues pertaining to the Stamkos-to-Toronto speculation. First, there is ongoing uncertainty as to whether Stamkos would actually even make it to unrestricted free agency, especially given that Tampa Bay GM Steve Yzerman has made it clear that resigning their captain is the Lightning’s top priority. Second, there are those who advocate that it is a good idea for Toronto to pursue Stamkos, particularly since the Maple Leafs have lacked a true first-line centre dating back to the departure of Mats Sundin following the 2007 to 2008 season not to mention that Stamkos is a Torontonian who hails from Markham, Ontario. Third, there are those who believe that it is a bad idea for Toronto to chase Stamkos, considering that the Maple Leafs is in a full-scale rebuild and that Stamkos is not likely to want to play for a non-contender after reaching the Stanley Cup final this summer not to mention the steep price that Toronto would have to pay (both in terms and dollars) in order to lure Stamkos back to his hometown.


I’m not going to quote Kenny Lam’s entire article again because it’s Kenny Lam. This is the same genius that brought us the “Connor McDavid should be a Leaf in three years” article. When I originally read that one, I couldn’t believe Kenny and his “everybody wants to play for the Leafs because Toronto” forgot to include Steven Stamkos into his future plans for the Leafs.

Fast forward nine days.

Now the relentlessly savage Kenny Lam has finally written his much anticipated sequel about why his Toronto Maples Leafs should pursue Steven Stamkos when Stammer becomes an unrestricted free agent in July, as if there need to be reasons other than “he’s really fucking good”. Normally that’s an if, not when, but in Kenny’s land everything is a when. Of course, that’s IF Toronto is willing to pay for one of the best players in the NHL, according to Kenneth:

Second, in all likelihood, Toronto would have to extend a maximum (7 years at an average of $14.28 million per season if not more) contract to Stamkos in order convince him to sign with his hometown. Yet, if the Maple Leafs were able to refrain themselves from giving Stamkos a full no trade clause and front-load the contract (in correspondence with the cap hit), then there is minimal danger that it will become an untradable (sic) albatross contract or one that would require the hockey club to retain salary (e.g., the Kessel contract) in the event that the marriage does not work out for both parties and Toronto and Stamkos have to part way in the form of the former trading the latter.

“Stamkos will probably want a lot of money, so the Leafs need to negotiate a clause in which we can trade him when he gets older/a younger and better Stamkos comes around.” To be honest I’m pretty sure they changed the rules about front ending contracts during the new CBA but who am I to question Kenneth?

Steven Stamkos is one year away from unrestricted free agency, and – assuming Tampa Bay makes the worst decision in franchise history – could become available to the public on July 1st, 2016. I don’t really care about all that. Everybody has dreams about a pending unrestricted free agent one year in advance, and the Toronto media have had Stamkos boners for the past 12 months anyways. It’s actually pretty funny that Kenny Lam fantasizing about Stamkos playing on their first line next year is the second most neurotic thing he’s said in the past two weeks.

This is where the column got hilarious:

Finally, if Toronto were in fact able to secure Stamkos’ service in summer 2016, and if the Maple Leafs were able to put Connor McDavid in a Maple Leaf uniform in three years, then Toronto could conceivably play both Marner and Nylander at the wing starting in the 2018 to 2019 season, in which case the Maple Leafs would feature two deadly offensive lines with two pairs of dynamic duos–Stamkos and Maner on one line as well as McDavid and Nylander on another line or alternatively, Stamkos and Nylander on one line as well as McDavid and Maner on another line).

If you thought Kenny Lam would leave out Connor McDavid from the mythical sequel you don’t know Kenny Lam. (FYI he meant “Marner” will be playing with Stamkos, not the city in the Indian state of Bihar.) I’m still not sure Kenneth knows Marner is actually a winger but woof!! A one-two punch of Stamkos and McDavid! Why not, eh? IF Toronto gets one of the best free agents of all time, assuming he crosses free agency, and IF Toronto trades for or offer sheets Connor McDavid in three years, assuming Edmonton goes full idiot, plus you add the two greatest prospects – Marner and Nylander – of all time (according to Toronto) and the Leafs will possess the best pair of dynamic duos since ever, naturally. Cups! Cups everywhere!

PS – Who even needs McDaddy when you have Billy Nylander though AMIRIGHT?!

I don’t even know, guys. Something tells me Joey Wilson LOVES Kenneth Lam articles.

One person actually favourited that tweet. This is the world we live in.

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