ENS NFL Preview: NFC



NFC East:

Last season’s standings:

  1. Dallas Cowboys: 12-4
  2. Philadelphia Eagles: 10-6
  3. New York Giants: 6-10
  4. Washington Redskins: 4-12

Dallas Cowboys:

The Dallas Cowboys had one of the best wide receiver/running back duos last season. Half of that is now gone to a division rival, and the other half got his fat paycheque. Tony Romo is somehow the best quarterback in this division, and it’s even more frightening to think that Jason Garrett might currently be the best head coach. What is this world?

Philadelphia Eagles:

The Birds offseason started off with Frank Gore bailing after verbally committing to them, then losing star wide receiver Jeremy Maclin to free agency. This, after surprisingly trading RB LeSean McCoy for virtually nothing, and trading QB Nick Foles for the always crippled Sam Bradford. Their defense also took a nut kicking. So they casually went out and signed every other available running back available, including last season’s division rivals star, DeMarco Murray.

New York Giants:

Jason Pierre-Paul blew his finger off holding a firework. At least they have Odell Beckham Jr.



Washington Redskins:



  1. Philadelphia Eagles: 11-5
  2. Dallas Cowboys: 10-6
  3. New York Giants: 8-8
  4. Washington Redskins: 2-14

NFC North:

Last season’s standings:

  1. Green Bay Packers: 12-4
  2. Detroit Lions: 11-5
  3. Minnesota Vikings: 7-9
  4. Chicago Bears: 5-11

Green Bay Packers:

I was ready to predict this team to go all the way, then Jordy Nelson blew up his knee. They replaced him with former Packer James Jones, who had just a horrific season last year in Oakland. Still, the Packers are without question the team to beat in the NFC North, and will contend with Seattle once again as the NFC’s champion.

Detroit Lions:

I don’t think anybody realistically thinks the Lions will go 11-5 again this year. This team has eight losses written all over them. Matt Stafford is a goddamn idiot.

He has two of the best weapons in the game and still takes a sack to put his team out of field goal range. And Suh is gone. Oh Christ.


Minnesota Vikings:

Their child beating running back has returned despite his request to play for literally any other team in the league. They brought in Mike Wallace to cause havoc in the locker room. And they’re still playing outdoors because their new stadium isn’t ready and their old stadium was built worse than the Oilers.

Chicago Bears:

Turns out one of the greatest CFL coaches of all time still makes a horrible NFL head coach. Brandon Marshall’s gone, sadly Jay Cutler is not. And their defense is still unimaginably bad.


  1. Green Bay Packers: 12-4
  2. Minnesota Vikings: 9-7
  3. Detroit Lions: 8-8
  4. Chicago Bears: 6-10

NFC South

Last season’s standings:

  1. Carolina Panthers: 7-8-1
  2. New Orleans Saints: 7-9
  3. Atlanta Falcons: 6-10
  4. Tampa Bay Buccaneers: 2-14

Carolina Panthers:

Well this already bad team somehow got worse with Kelvin Benjamin’s knee blew up in training camp. They still might win the division because all the other teams suck worse.

New Orleans Saints:

They traded their star tight end for absolutely nothing. Their number one option is now Brandin Cooks, and they signed CJ Spiller for some reason. Jesus Christ.

Atlanta Falcons:

Matt Ryan’s a bum.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers:

They drafted a QB first overall who couldn’t score on the worst college defense of all time, and in his last college game produced the NCAA equivalent of the butt fumble.



  1. Atlanta Falcons: 9-7
  2. Carolina Panthers: 8-8
  3. New Orleans Saints: 7-9
  4. Tampa Bay Buccaneers: 3-13

NFC West

Last season’s standings:

  1. Seattle Seahawks: 12-4
  2. Arizona Cardinals: 11-5
  3. San Fransisco 49’ers: 8-8
  4. St. Louis Rams: 6-10

Seattle Seahawks:

I hate that this team is good, but reality is, they’re good. Really good. They have a realistic opportunity to go to their third straight Super Bowl this year. Imagine doing that in this era, with 15 other teams in your conference? Goddammit. But they paid Russell Wilson a billion dollars, which is hilarious.

Arizona Cardinals:

This is the tragic story of a good team who might never make it that far because there’s a better team in their division. I pray to God that Arizona would be good enough to catch Seattle and get home field in the playoffs. That’s just not going to happen when Carson Palmer is your quarterback.

San Francisco 49’ers:

This was – without a doubt – the worst offseason any team has ever had, in sports history. It’s not even close. I don’t think they have enough players to field a roster this year. I don’t know who their head coach is anymore. I don’t even know if they’ve replaced Harbaugh yet. All their players are either retired, in jail, or playing for somebody else. This might be the worst team in the NFL. RIP 49’ers.

St. Louis Rams:

This is could be one sneaky good underrated team. They have a competent QB, a high-octane young running back, one of the best defenses in the league and a coach with a head on his shoulders. Of course, all of this only matters if they stay healthy. Nick Foles is a slightly less injured Sam Bradford. Todd Gurley sneezes and tears his ACL. And the defense can only do so much when their crippled offense turns the ball over on their own 20 each drive.


  1. Seattle Seahawks: 13-3
  2. Arizona Cardinals: 11-5
  3. St. Louis Rams: 9-7
  4. San Francisco 49’ers: Dead



  1. Seattle Seahawks
  2. Green Bay Packers
  3. Philadelphia Eagles
  4. Atlanta Falcons
  5. Arizona Cardinals
  6. Dallas Cowboys

NFC Championship: Seattle Seahawks vs. Green Bay Packers.

NFC Champion: Seattle Seahawks

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