Pistol Pete Held The Oilers Annual “Everything Is Awful” November Press Conference Today

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Hi guys! It’s the end of November, and the Oilers are in last place. Classic Oilers!

Good to see some traditions never change. You can change management. You can change the coaching staff. You can add Connor McDavid. But there will always be a press conference two months into the season where an Oilers GM needs to answer questions about why we’re not playing good. Awesome. This year’s chapter on “Why We’re Bad: An Edmonton Oilers Tragedy” was the first installment of Peter Chiarelli’s tenure with the club. Last season MacT whistled and hummed about processes and Olympian defensemen. He said the coach wasn’t going anywhere, then minutes later fired said coach. This year, Chiarelli turned the focus to the abominable dump previous management left on this team. He said the usual things: we’re not getting results, we’re disappointed, things suck. That “heavy lifting” he discussed may or may not involve wondering every night what he did to inheirt a defense that features stud zambonis like Mark Fayne and Andrew Ference. This roster is so nightmarishly treacherous I’m pretty sure we’re at the stage where we just close our eyes and hope it goes away. It’s like the Yellowhead, we fucked up building it so bad there’s nothing left to do but sit on it and sulk. The Pistol thought he was taking the reigns of a franchise with high hopes, a future vision and a budding super star only to realize it’s the Oilers.  And it’s becoming more and more likely each day that this club will carry over its disastrous roster next year into the Daryl Katz Centre for Losers Who Don’t Win Good. God help us all.

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