The Broncos/Colts Annual ENS Bowl Is Today

Denver Broncos v Indianapolis Colts

Normally this meeting is a much more highly anticipated contest featuring two great teams and a bet/rivalry at ENS headquarters. Yes, ya boy Hank’s Broncos face my Colts this afternoon. No, I’m not looking forward to this game. I didn’t even want to blog it, but I’ve done it every year. So, you know, whatever.

Peyton Manning’s Broncos are actually led by one of the most electric defenses I’ve ever watched. Denver’s defense has only allowed one QB to throw for more than 250 yards this season (it was this idiot):

staffderp

Peyton Manning has been unimaginably horrible, but it hasn’t mattered. The Denver defense is frightening. I’m shitting my pants thinking about our swiss cheese offensive line attempting to block DeMarcus Ware and Von Miller. Not to mention Andrew Luck and his 59 interceptions playing against Aqib Talib.

The Colts come in one week after firing offensive coordinator Pep Hamilton. If it wasn’t for his horrible decisions to spend money on and draft wide receivers we’d probably be in a lot better oh wait. So management has butchered this franchise. We’ve put a death wish on Andrew Luck, who – when he’s not derping around the field – has beed pasted to the turf this year. This is what happens when you construct an offensive line out of spare lego parts. Indianapolis is a geographical location away from losing to every team in the league. They’re good enough to beat three of the worst teams in football six times a year, and that’s it. I seriously hope this team loses to every team outside of the division this year. Our punter has been our best fucking player this year. I don’t even want to make the playoffs anymore. I just want to get a high draft pick, pray to God we fire everybody and draft a competent lineman or a player capable of defending literally anything one time.

andrew-luck-sack

Fuck football.

In order for Indy to win, Luck will have to play a football game without throwing a pick. That’s like asking Justin Schultz not to throw it up the middle. That’ll have to start with the offensive line providing protection against the best front seven I’ve ever seen in my life. The defense is going to have to come up with a scheme that makes them able to stop a dinosaur. Basically, if the Colts want to win this one, they’re going to have to become an entirely different football team.

If Hank’s boys want to win this one, all Peyton Manning has to do is play a simple football game. Don’t make mistakes. Don’t collapse when he hears pressure coming from another state. Don’t try to force throws against a defense that allowed Marcus Mariota to throw for 367. Basically, if they don’t fuck up, they should walk all over us.

Can’t wait for 2015’s ENS Bowl!

seattle-college-guy-a

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