Oilers Make It Official, Acquire Kassian For Scrivens

ZackKassianIsUgly

First of all, just want to wish Montreal all the best.

oilers-flying-stick

Might as well make it official. Word got out last night about the Oilers dealing with the Habs, and everybody essentially knew what that meant. Some of the dreamers out there were hoping it was a little bit more (cc: Tinordi, Beaulieu, McCarron)*. But ultimately, it was the one-for-one trade everybody just kind of expected. Today, Zack Kassian is an Edmonton Oiler.

 

Obviously I’m throwing up in my mouth. But from a pure, hockey, non-bias perspective, this trade really doesn’t matter. At best, the Oilers will have a guy with size who can sort of play hockey I guess and be a serviceable player in our bottom six. Just a complete wildcard who’ll go out there and do something stupid and likely get suspended, but at least other teams might be on their toes because this lunatic will run a guy into the boards for fun. At worst, we traded a goalie who doesn’t save the puck for a washed up player whose career will quietly drift away in the minors. After watching Sam fucking Bennett and his three chin ups knock down every Oilers player past and present last night, a little muscle wouldn’t hurt. That said, I still don’t like him. I don’t care what he does. Guy could score 50 playing with McDaddy for all I care, won’t like him.

Fine Print: If, and only if, Zack Kassian destroys/humiliates/obliterates any of the following Flames: Micheal Ferland, Sean Monahan, Jiri Hudler, lesbian, Sam Bennett, Joe Colborne, Dougie Hamilton, TJ Brodie, Mark Giordano, Josh Jooris, Lance fucking Bouma, Kari Ramo, Harvey the Hound, Bob Hartley, David Jones, Mikael Backlund or Matt Stajan, we can discuss “liking” terms.

Regardless, this mouthbreather is heading to Bakervegas today and will be evaluated down the road.

zack-kassian-clapping-scum

 

* But actually, if Montreal or literally anybody has some actual spare parts kicking around that they don’t need, we need them:

oilers-bad-defense

 

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