Alabama’s Band’s Practice Field Is Nicer Than The Turf At Commonwealth

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If you were a football player and you had the opportunity to play for Alabama or any other school in the country, how do you not pick this place? I make fun of this school for being way too southern and obsessed with their college football team, or literally every time my old man screams “Roll Tide” in my ear after a 78-3 crucifying over Alabama A&M but this is why they can talk so much shit. All they do is win championships and give their players the best of everything. They have a ‘hydrotherapy room’ in their locker room with four waterfalls.

Hydrotherapy sounds like the most incredible thing ever. I’ll say it once, I’ll say it 1,000 times, there’s no better thing to be on this planet than a division 1 college football athlete. Pretty tough to argue they should be paid when their band is practicing on a better field than any of the nine CFL teams play on. I went to the U of A gym (once) and the locker rooms looked eerily similar to the concentration camps I visited in Germany. Needless to say there wasn’t a hydrotherapy room. And I think we finally took out the track so we could have normal cornered end zones at the Concrete Palace.

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What a barn. I imagine when those poor bastards who don’t make it to the NFL come up to play in the Three Down League they reminisce about the time they played for a school whose band practiced on grass cut from Augusta National as they prepare to play the Winnipeg Blue Bombers on frozen prairie tundra.

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