NHL Draft Lottery Preview, And Simulation

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We know two things in Edmonton: concrete and draft lotteries. And tomorrow night, we will once again take our familiar seat at the lotto clinic. I don’t need to explain most of the rules; we’re very familiar with how this works. But there have been some changes, all of which were implemented by the NHL so that the Oilers can stop winning some many of these things. Classic us. The only major change to this year’s edition of Oil Change is that they will lottery all of the top three picks. So, every team that missed the playoffs will have a chance at getting Matthews, Laine, and Puljujarvi. I’m not going to say who I want the Oilers to get (Laine), but let’s just say I’m strongly rooting for numbero dos. Part of me really wants to win it again, because I love the hate it brings from the 29 other fan bases. They hate us for working this system into cruise control, and I thoroughly enjoy drinking their tears. But the other part of me knows there’s one player in particular that I want, and one spot that makes sense for us to take him. The last time we took a player with that many P’s and A’s and J’s and I’s in his name still haunts me, and while Auston Matthews is great, I’m adequately alright with the three centers we already have. Instead, give me the winger that’s going to make McMagic on the first line for decades and I’ll be fine, thanks.

I conducted a simulator that anyone can do on tankathon.com to determine the order of the draft. What happened next was nothing short of obvious:

draft-lottery

YOU CAN’T SIT WITH US!!!!

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In the least surprising news of all time, the Draft Lottery Cup will be coming home for the fifth time in seven years, according to an entirely irrelevant simulation. Oohhh baby, the NHL will be rolling into the Seven with pitchforks and chainsaws. How’s the weather down at seven, Calgary? You idiots.

Unfortunately, the crystal ball wasn’t all good news, as Winnipeg moves up four spots to pick second overall. The City of Hurt. I’ll be so sad if I’m forced to look at “Laine” Jets jerseys while I put all sorts of dents in the Rum Hut, until McDavid lights them for six. And the yearly bloodbaths courtesy of Connor will hurt less once Eichel has a winger to talk about it with. But the biggest loser in all this, other than Auston Matthews, is Toronto – who tanked like nobody’s business yet still fell out of the top three.

BURN

Christ, actually pray for Bruce Arthur. I can’t wait to see the look on Steve Simmons’ stupid face when Edmonton wins the only thing we know how, again, and Toronto drafts Alex Nylander at four.

Here’s how it should probably play out if this is, in fact, the lottery order:

  1. Edmonton – Trades the pick for OEL Auston Matthews
  2. Winnipeg- Patrik Laine
  3. Buffalo – Jesse Puljujarvi
  4. Toronto – Alexander Nylander
  5. Vancouver – Jacob Chychrun
  6. Columbus – Matthew Tkachuk
  7. Calgary – Adam Vinatieri
  8. Arizona – Pierre-Luc Dubois
  9. Montreal – Mikhail Sergachev
  10. Colorado – Jake Bean
  11. New Jersey – Olli Juolevi
  12. Ottawa – Julien Gauthier
  13. Carolina – Michael McLeod
  14. Boston – Dante Fabbro

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