Ok, Let’s Talk About Saturday Night

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Mother fuckers. I wanted to say something about this yesterday but honestly, I had no words. I needed a full day to recover from the turbo moose shit I witnessed on Saturday. I’m trying so hard to not be negative this week, the final week in the history of our Jungle. I’m really trying hard not to have these 23 clowns ruin my farewell. But alas, this is the Oilers. We have a diehard fan base, who have patiently sat through all the crap that’s taken place since 2007, and who are trying to say goodbye to our historic building. But, we also have a team that’s fully capable of delivering that magnitude of an embarrassingly pathetic effort on a night where most people dropped hundreds to sit in the 300s. On Hank’s last time ever going to the Jungle too. What a disgrace. Hank’s written too many gameday blogs for meaningless February games against Minnesota to be sent off like that. I had to watch that little lesbian score two goals right in front of my face in the third period and I hated it so indescribably much. I’d take 50 six goal losses to the Islanders for them to put any ounce of an effort into our last games at that old barn. Everybody played like shit. Every. Single. Body. I wish I could say I expected more but given how this “era” of Oilers hockey has gone, I honestly cannot say I’m surprised. Unlike 100% of those 23 tampons, I – like almost all of you – have grown up in this wonderful city. We, the people of Edmonton, understand the historic importance of the Jungle. It’s our sanctuary. It’s the place where some magical hockey has been played for three of the four decades of its existence. But it’s terribly sad that I can safely say I did not expect the 20 little shits from around the world come to town to be more focused about giving our barn the farewell it deserves instead of who’ll be picking up the tab at the Pint after the game. They actually had a shot at finishing the year with the most home wins we’ve had since 2006 and they still couldn’t do that for us. And let’s be real, it’s not like they played the Capitals. They played the Flames. The goddamn Calgary Flames.

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Those sacks of elephant piss. And now, for the 11th time in 12 seasons, the Calgary Flames will finish higher than us in the standings. Buffalo’s been trying to tank for three straight years and they’re still 10 points ahead of us. What an actual joke. I’m glad Friggin’ Todd bag skated their nuts off today. I wish to God he could bench half that squad for Wednesday’s game – the most important game we’ve played in the Jungle since June 17, 2006 – because about half of them don’t deserve to be on the ice for it. Fuck these guys. Fuck this team. Fuck everybody whose taken a collective 7 am post-bar donair dump on our franchise for the last 1o years. Put them in a dumpster already.

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