Your Defending Grey Cup Champions Eskimos 2016 Draft Recap

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BIG day yesterday as thousands of fans across Saskatchewan watched the 2016 CFL draft on TSN. For the first time since 2005, your Edmonton Eskimos went into the draft as the defending champions. If you remember last year, our draft was so good I basically called the incoming Grey Cup. Danny Groulx aka Mr. Defend-Yo-QB had a stellar rookie season in front of Reilly/Matty not-so-Ice/Jumbo Jimmy Franks. All in all, good drafting over the last few years has helped propel the Esks to the top, something the Oilers should try. So let’s see how this year’s went:

Round 1 – Tevaun Smith – WR – Iowa

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So all the boys did was take the second ranked prospect in the draft at 8th overall. Ho-hum. Whatever. Ask me why I love this pick:

The reason Smitty fell to numero ocho was because he actually signed as an undrafted free agent with someone’s favourite NFL team a few weeks ago. So both my favourite football teams own the rights to this guy. And that’s just one of the reasons why I’m absolutely in love with this pick. Not only do the ‘Skos see something in a kid that the team who produced stars like Marvin Harrison, Reggie Wayne, and TY Hilton also see, but we can afford to take the risk on him never actually playing in the CFL. Why? Because we’re the goddamn best. It’s a right you earn when you’re the best of nine teams. And he’s CANADIAN. Smith finished second on the Hawkeyes in receiving yards, and was third on the team in TDs, in a very good conference. Meanwhile, Calgary took a linebacker who played at Montana fucking State and is from 1K Oaks, Cali, and who has also signed with the Shithawks. HAHAHA.

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Do they think they’re the champs or something? Congrats on never seeing your first round pick from 2016, idiots. We just took a guy who gets loose for 85 yard bombs like it’s his job.

WE DEM BOYS!

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Round 2 – Arjen Colquhoun – DB – Michigan State

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Two picks, TWO good Canadian kids from Big Ten schools. Colquhoun was – other than a steal – one of the best defensive players available. So good, in fact, that the Cowboys have signed him as well.

But you better believe we’re fired up to have him on the Green, Gold, and Concrete. Colquhoun has the potential to be an impact player next season for the boys, with fan favourite Aaron Grymes headed to Philly for a tryout. The kid had a big year at MSU in 2015. He was 7th in the Big Ten in pass breakups, while recording an impressive 45 tackles to go with two picks. What a pick. Love this kid.

Round 5 – Josh Woodman – DB – Western University

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What do you see when you look at that picture? Maybe you see a packed house at a big game between the Queens Gaels and Western Mustangs? Maybe you see football players doing sports things? Wanna know what I see? The steal of the CFL draft. Getting Josh Woodman in the fifth round is like getting a boiling hot Hawaiian tarp on sale for 100% off. It’s not fair, the other eight teams have families! All Woodman did this year was lead the OUA (Ontario University Athletics) in interceptions, and was a second team All-Canadian. Who needs third and fourth rounders when you get potential hall of famers in round five? The best part, Woodman and Colquhoun are both over 6 ft. Two BIG DBs out there on that massive field. Quick LOL at who Calgary took instead of ‘Woodman Island’:

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Just the 43rd best player from Laval. So irrelevant the CFL website spelled his name wrong. Jean Phiippe Dukes. Phiippe. Obviously it’s Philippe but I kind of hope he plays for the Stamps now so I can forever call him Phiippe. Sounds like a soccer player. Classic Calgary, drafting players from other sports.

Round 6 – Doug Corby – WR – Queens

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For those keeping score at home, that’s four picks, and FOUR Canadian kids from all over the place in Ontario. What can I say about Doug Corby that the scouts everywhere haven’t already said? He’s the hidden gem of the draft so far. I mean look at the guy. He SCREAMS CFL slot receiver. They’re (I’m) saying he could be the next Nate Coehoorn, and who doesn’t love Nate the Great in this city? He only played five games due to injury this season, and still put up 592 receiving yards and five TDs.

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Those numbers are off the actual charts. So good hes actually been invited to the New York Football Giants mini camp. Ok, pray for the Three Down League. What’re the chances he got to know Beatrice with elite numbers like those? Dougie Fresh, if you read this, tell her thanks for not launching the troops during Coachella.

Round 7 – Doug Parrish – LB – Western Oregon

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The second of back to back Dougs comes to you straight out of my alma mater, Western Oregon University (GO WOLVES!). Obviously, me being a WOU alumni makes me in love with this pick, but that’s not even close to the biggest reason why this pick is the greatest one of the entire draft. Now look, we couldn’t possibly take a Canadian with every pick in the draft, right? It’s impossible, right? You can’t embarrass the other eight teams like that, there are protocols and shit, right? WRONG. Guess where Parrish was born? RIGHT HERE IN THE CITY OF CONCRETE!

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Oh my God. Stop drop and fucking roll. Dougie P is the son of former Eskimo, also named Doug Parrish, who won a Grey Cup with the boys back in ’93. This is what he had to say prior to being drafted:

I have not been back to Edmonton since I was born, but once I end up back in Edmonton I think it’s going to be a great experience for me because I really don’t remember much from when I was younger. I think it’s going to be cool to go back to my roots and where I was born and really get to experience and get a feel for the place.

Brings a tear to my eye. I don’t care if he never plays a game. I don’t care if he’s a linebacker. None of that will matter come fantasy CFL draft time, because I’m taking Parrish. You are going to love the Concrete District, Doug.

Round 8 – DJ Lalama – LB – Manitoba

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Wouldn’t be as fun of a draft if we didn’t rob a player right out of Winnipeg’s backyard. Mr. Irrelevant my ass, this kid can flat out ball. DJ Lalama, which would be an outstanding DJ name, comes to you after shredding the CIS for 53 tackles last season. He’s also fired up to be part of not only the Eskimos, but the City of Concrete too:

That’s a good Canadian kid right there, gives a shout out to the city. It’s like he knows what it takes to make him a favourite of mine.

Final Draft Grade: A++++

I mean, come on. This was an electric draft for the ‘Skos. Bet Chris Jones is pounding on his desk in Saskatchewan right now wishing he never left, assuming there are desks in Saskatchewan. We addressed potential roster holes at DB and LB. We drafted the second best prospect in 2016. We took a kid from Edmonton. Oh, and we also went a perfect six for six in picking Canadian kids. Not gonna not win back to back Grep Cups after murdering the other eight with this stacked of a prospect pool. Suck it, Calgary.

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