Stephen A Smith, Hall of Fame Mouthbreather, Apologizes to Canadians for Mouthbreathing
There’s so much incredibleness happening in this series that I don’t even care about all the mouthbreathers who shit on our team all week. Stephen A Smith is one of them. Like ya, we cool Stephen A Smith, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t grinning like an idiot hearing you drink your own dick water. Especially you, because of all the hot steamy diarrhoea that usually pours out of your mouth, and because of how you make us say your name.
ESPN hasn’t respected us all series. Actually, nobody south of the 4-9 has given us any respect. Until now. A couple of really, realllllyyyy impressive home wins and all of a sudden anchors everywhere are apologizing to our entire country. It’s like they realized the ACC is the second most rowdy atmosphere remaining, only behind Jurassic Park right outside. Here’s the Cleveland Cavaliers watch party from their building last night.
WOAH! That a Panthers home game? Save some electricity for the rest of Cleveland! Meanwhile, Jurassic Park looks like Merch Madness from 2013.
Jurassic Park is starting to get so rowdy that they’re making snapchat filters of the signs these lunatics are carrying. Biyombo is my father!! This is seriously like a full game college tailgate. Goddammit I love Canada so much. The ACC faithful is what saved the Raptors from collapsing yesterday (that, and Matthew Dellavedova firing an uncontested airball) and it’s like every sports anchor in America had no idea what the crowd in the Six was like. Michael Wilbon, another first ballot mouthbreather, said the single most surprising thing of the entire playoffs would be the Raptors winning game four. Well guess what, Michael?
We made it! Surprise of the playoffs, guys! Honour City. All we did was lead for a solid 47/48 minutes, sans our franchise center once again, in front of the single most electric crowd in pro sports. And sure, it’s absolutely useless to get cocky right now. These are the Raptors we’re talking about. They could lose by 75 tomorrow in Cleveland and everybody will be calling us “other” again. But for a moment, at least, we can sit here and believe. Why not us? Why not the team that won 56 games and earned the second seed in the east? Why not the team who hasn’t been given a chance to succeed since the opening tipoff of the season? And also, Drake’s getting in on the fun, so it’s allowed.
Just casually murdering Kyrie Irving and TheBron James all over the place on Instagram. This is what you get for making the fourth best team in the NBA 14 point underdogs in a game against a team that finished with one more win. Team Drake baby. Suck it, Bron Bron.
PS – You know what they say, nope: