I’ve had time to think. I told the people I’d need a few moments to clear my head and try to drive some sense into this cataclysmic catastrophe the Pistol just unloaded onto our already agonized fan base. But I still have no words. I just don’t, guys. It’s been almost five hours since the news broke and I still find myself completely and utterly incapable of putting what I’m feeling into words. Of all the dumb, stupid, ill-advised, moronic, asinine, ludicrous, mindless, idiotic shit this fart sniffing cum dumpster of an organization has done, this is – without question – the mother ship. I feel like I’ve just been violated. I love to use gifs but this is not a gif day. There are no fucking gifs that will make this trade feel any better than having a 2×4 of scorpions shoved so deeply in your asshole that your shit begins to crawl. I’ve been listening to Disturbed songs for the last two hours and I still look at this trade as an unmitigated piece of god awful fucking dog shit. This dysfunctional organization isn’t a sports franchise, it’s a perpetually active crime scene. It’s continued existence feels like chlamydia piss. I love this team. I love the players, and I love Joey Moss, and all of them are completely innocent while this 10 year ongoing nuclear ass-fisting continues to ruin our Wednesdays. It’s the organization that I completely despise, from Führer down. I’ve always wanted to believe this decade of hell that’s right out of a fucking Saw movie would someday get better, and there were so many times when it felt close. Then they do something stupid like trade the second best left winger in hockey for a second pairing, unproven defenseman who had healthy scratch issues not too long ago, and then I subsequently want to take a blowtorch to every scrap memorabilia I purchased from the Bank of Katz. And that has nothing to do with Adam Larsson. This sinking ship we call “Oilers” is not his fault. This has everything to do with the people in charge, who are at max speed heading into a gargantuan fucking iceberg. What we’re faced with here is not simply the almost certainly worst trade that’ll happen this goddamn year, but the vomit-crusted epitome of what it’s like to be an Oilers fan. It shouldn’t be reviewed, analyzed, or criticized, but instead, thrown into an industrial sized carbon shredder and never spoken about again. I understand that nothing has worked with this team for 3,650 fucking days, but the last two drafts just threw us two bones we never anticipated acquiring. And in very Oilers fashion, they can’t just leave things there. It doesn’t matter how many generational players we’re gift wrapped every fucking June, because those in charge will manage to decimate our hopes of ever becoming a respectable franchise again a few hours later. This sucks. This franchise sucks. This league sucks. I hate everything.
PS – Shit