Tyler Bunz ‘Get Kids Playing’ Softball Tournament Preview And Superlatives
Meadowview’s about to get lit, as the fifth annual Tyler Bunz ‘Get Kids Playing’ softball tournament kicks off under the lights tonight. What a tournament. First of all, I want to thank the tournament’s host and former third period Oilers tendy, Tyler Bunz, for doing a phenomenal job every year with this event. It’s for the kids. So get down, watch some softball, and support a good, local cause. As an added bonus, the pride of St. Vegas DJ tables DJ Aron Joshi – will be spinning the wheels off of Meadowview. Views from the Meadow.
ENS’s representation is down this year because Hank’s shoulder is made of rice paper and Kwas is going to the booming metropolis of Athabasca. I’ve once again gone against the requests of my CFO to stop spending money that we do not have and sponsored a softball team, the Div D Mermen. I’ve also, once again, refused to invite Teeps onto the ENS team. Our sometimes soccer writer, Jim, is also in the tournament. He’s also not on the ENS team. Not because he’s bad, like Teeps, but because I forget he writes for us. The blue moon of Empty Net Sports.
The schedule is as follows:
Looks like my team (ENS Mermen, or just Mermen for short) will be kicking things off against the Merchants, also known as the Sox. Oh baby. Last time I had a couple with these boys I got a lifetime ban from the City of Wetaskiwin. I basically own both these teams since I’m practically a booster for the Merchants anyways.
Your ENS Mermen follow that one up with an 8:30 a.m. (!!!!! Colin) start time against the Viking Liners, who sponsored an entire diamond. 8:30 a.m…woof. That’s about the same start time as The Reporters on TSN. I’m already feeling miserable about the prospect of waking up that early on a Saturday. Do they even serve that early? Gonna need some good tunes from my boy DJ Aron Joshi to help get me through that wakeup call. Also how do I sponsor a diamond for next year? Need it.
Our final game before the playoffs is at 11:00 against Slow Pitch Problems. Knowing the crew that’s playing for those boys I’d say they’ll be good and hosed by the time 11 a.m. rolls around.
Just a few tournament rules to remember before we dig into the preview:
- No outside booze, you savages. These aren’t Rexall prices, that’s not what we’re about in this town. Drinks are $3.50 at the diamonds. Three dollars and 50 cents. If you bring a twenty you can get skunked. But always remember to drink responsibly (contractually obligated) and whatever you do, don’t drink and drive. Take TappCar or Uber, call a friend, or even walk. Remember, there’ll always be a party, after the party, so let’s be sure we make it to both of those, and safely home, wherever home may be tonight. Be safe, and be smart, my St. Vegasians.
- No dogs.
Like the rodeo, I actually have no idea how I want to do this. I’ll try to do a brief preview of some of the teams with names that I recognize, for the people. Like everything else on ENS, there won’t really be a format. Maybe a quick blurb about the team, and someone requested I dabble into a little superlatives, so I’ll give that a shot too.
Might as well kick things off with my team. The Mermen are coming off a disappointing 2015 tournament, and are currently stumbling through one of the worst losing streaks the St. Albert Men’s Softball League has ever witnessed. Wouldn’t be a company investment without perpetual torment. Lucky for us, we have a secret weapon, and his name is Pizza Trav. The normally abominable softball player made a catch yesterday (!!!), so we’re hoping the kid carries that momentum into the tournament. Which brings me to my first superlative:
Most likely to order 73 at any point during the weekend: Pizza Trav
Most likely to get injured in a non-contact, coed tournament: Your boy
Most likely to not make a catch: Carter Stetson, CFO, ENS
This is Teeps’ team. Pray for the Phillies. I’ve seen Bartolo Colon field ground balls better than him. If they were the real Phillies, he’d be their Freddy Galvis. I personally don’t care where we finish, as long as we have a better record than Teeps. Nothing against all the other boys, and girls, on that team. Lot of respect for you guys to actually have to play with that infield pylon.
Most likely to complain about his salary: Teeps
Most likely to be unanimously terrible at making routine plays: Teeps
Most likely to get wife-joked into next year: Teeps
This is the Merchants team, well, one of them. It looks like there’s two this year. Who knows. But since we’re only playing one of them, and I’m pretty sure these guys play Jungle D with us in men’s league, I’ll preview their team for you. Since there are no rosters on the site, I’ll just have to guess who’s on the team.
Most likely to request a blog about himself when he makes his only catch of the game: Casey Reid
Most likely to say something that gets ENS into shit: Jared Kwasney
Most likely to be too banged up to play the second game on Saturday: Blair Macuch
Big League Boys
This is our Jungle D friendemies. Every time we play these guys it’s a close one. Not much to say about these fellas other than they’re all good St. Albert kids who love the site. And this:
Most likely to walk the most batters of the tournament: Jim
This is you host’s team. Once again, I’d like to thank Tyler, as always, for putting on an incredible event. It all really does go for a good cause, and it’s always so much fun. Really brings the community together, and you know how much I love this community, so thank you.
Anyways, most likely to let a soft rolling grounder go off the tip of his glove:
Hope to see you all there. Opening pitches begin at 6:45. Let the games begin.