The Morning After Blog: Dominant

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FIVE STRAIGHT! SEVEN AND ONE! UNDEFEATED AGAINST THE WEST!

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We sometimes joke about never losing again but honestly I’m at the point where I’m thinking, you know, maybe? Like at this point there’s a 50/50 chance that we win out. What’s the record for games started in a single season by a tendy? Iceman’s on his way there. He shows no signs of slowing down. It’s like having secks with gurl and producing twins has hit a switch in his body and transformed him into the real life Iceman.

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Nope, not that one, this one:

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THAT ONE.

So basically what happened last night was the Oilers went into the poor man’s version of Rogers Place and reestablished their dominance over both the Western Conference and the Pac-7 with a comfortable 2-0 win over the 46 year old virgins, largely (entirely) thanks to Cameron and Connor doing their things. Here’s the rundown:

1st Period

Another quiet first period for Connor’s army. That’s alright though. In the past, this was the period that would beat our heads in with a shovel. Now that we’re the best, I just expect to dominate every period of hockey. This is what winning does to you. It’s been a while. Sue me.

0-0

2nd Period

THE PAD

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THE GLOVE

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THE ICEMAN! *Cam 3:16*

All hail the king of the crease. This guy is lights out. He’s entered an entirely new realm of beast mode. Remember Halo? The Iceman has reached unfreakinbelievable status. He kept us in this with back to back ridiculous saves, which inevitably set up this erotic display of hockey:

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I mean…Jesus Christ. It was a defensive zone face-off and nine seconds later McDaddy had the puck in their net. Thoughts and prayers to the Hutton family, their son didn’t stand a chance.

1-0 Oilers

And that was pretty much the game because:

3rd Period

Vancouver just didn’t show up after the second intermission. They had maybe one or two decent chances in the third period of a game that they trailed by only a goal. We hit the snooze button and Cameron Talbot took the 604 on a one way trip to Shutter Island.

I will show you this highlight of the Big Grin hitting the c-bar:

Dammit, so close. I needed that one.

Oh, and here’s Looch emasculating the entire Canucks roster before burying into the open net:

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That’s Troy Stetcher (who?) and Alex Edler throwing their bodies to try and stop the Looch Train, except one ended up sharing a bed with the puck in the net, and the other got sent to North Van.

2-0 final FIVE STRAIGHT HOLY GOD.

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Final Thoughts

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Cam Talbot could stop both Trump and Clinton from being elected.

Connor McLeagueLeader

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Hahahahaha stupid NHL.

We’re now 5-0 against the West, all of which have come in regulation. Last year, our fifth win in regulation against the West came on March 16th.

Ben Hutton is still chasing Connor McDavid and the game’s been over for 12 hours.

Calgary has made it to .500! All it took was a mythical human being named Chris Driedger to start in goal for the goddamn Senators but hey, we finally don’t need the scroll bar to find you in the standings. Congrats on being able to beat teams that aren’t us.

Also, congratulations to ENS fan Quinn for winning our first goal of the game contest, the first one of the year. He’ll get to enjoy some pretty good seats tomorrow night when we win our sixth straight against Ottawa. We’ll do more of these throughout the year, so like us on Facebook and take part.

Hottest Tweet of the Night

I was strolling through the Canucks Twitter account for some early morning humour, when suddenly I stumbled across this interesting bit of information:

I had to pause. I was like, wait, I watched the entire game and I do not remember a single penalty shot. How did I miss this? Did it happen during a quick deuce? Did it happen while we were selecting our contest winner? When the hell was said penalty shot? And then it hit me:

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Ladies and gentlemen, the 2016/2017 Vancouver Canucks.

If the game were a song…

“Ice, Ice Baby” by Vanilla Ice

 

Most Outstanding Player

Come on now:

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He could legitimately win player of the week again, assuming he starts Sunday, and assuming he God’s all over the ice again. This is the best I’ve seen an Oilers goalie play since Cujo, and I watched Dwayne Roloson bat pucks to space during our Cup run. Cam and Connor.

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Gator’s Grinder of the Game™

Edmonton’s favourite new dad deserves everything right now so know what? Iceman’s taking this home too. What a game. What a month. What a season.

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