The Game After The McHatty: Blackhawks @ Oilers


Live look at everybody on Saturday night:


It was a less than ideal start to the night. At about 4:17, I publicly displayed my emotions about finally getting the magical 19-97-98 line. At about 5:02, Todd had officially replaced the Big Rig with Lucic. I wore my ‘Let Him Eat’ shirt out to watch the game, and then they dropped that shit on me.

But then, McMagic:




Hahahahahahahaha silly. Stupid NHL thought they could slow us down. Thought they could allow other teams to practically molest Connor while the refs seemingly lost their whistles. Ten game goalless streak my ass. WHERE IS YOUR GOD NOW, NHL?!?

In the most typical Oilers way possible, all it took was one game and one hat trick for everybody to completely forget about that five game piss streak and return to contemplating how much rest the Iceman needs before the playoffs. The Oil are healthy, back in a tie atop the Pac-7, and Connor officially flew by Seguin and is now back in second place for league scoring (one behind that cake eater Scheifele, we’ll get to that in a minute).

First, the task at hand tonight: beating the Western Conference leading Blackhawks at the Iron Jungle. No problem.




Matty Ice: point-per-game player.

Also, LOVED The Drake Saturday. Give me a healthy Oilers team against any team that’s won three Cups in the last six years.

Gryba healthied again means Matty Vegas remains in the lineup after another solid outing on the weekend. Good St. Albert kid.

Tonight’s Opponent

Chicago Blackhawks


Why They Stink

This is a franchise that was originally created to be a literal farm team of the Detroit Red Wings. For real. In 1946, legendary crook Arthur Wirtz bought the financially terrible Blackhawks while he was still running the Wings. This was allowed!! He then proceeded to stack the Wings by gift wrapping them players for every season by way of some of the most gloomy, lopsided trades this sport has ever seen, until 1951 when he finally left the Wings a mere five years after owning their Windy City rivals. The family has been able to keep that legacy going for some god awful reason. In 2002, his son Bill Wirtz was named the third greediest owner in professional sports. To put that into perspective, Wirtz was stationed a comfortable SEVEN SPOTS higher than Dan Snyder!


This organization deserves absolutely nothing and yet they landed two of our generation’s most decorated athletes by virtue of about four decades worth of suckage. Remember 2010? Remember how happy everyone was to see the young Hawks in the finals? It’s every fucking year now. Rocky Wirtz, grandson of Billy Enron himself, is now cashing in on his family’s corruption by playing in virtually every Cup finals and outdoor game since 2010. This June, the Hawks will play in their fourth Cup final in seven years, and I will be standing on a mountaintop, begging any nearby alien species to come invade our planet.

Why Their Fans Stink

Sometimes I like to play a game with Blackhawk fans called “Raise your hand if you’ve ever heard of Eric Daze!”

Which Blackhawk Stinks

Marian Hossa, who is having yet another fire start to the year, but will once again let your fantasy team down in a month when he inevitably hyperextends his 37-year-old knee on a non-contact play in the neutral zone. He’ll miss four-six months, and you’ll be forced to debate dropping him in your keeper pools for the tenth straight year.

Why They Might Not Stink

Notable cab-puncher/booze smasher/possible rapist Patrick Kane has racked up 43 points in 31 career games against the Oilers.

The Roundup

These games have usually ended in a blowout for one side or the other. Let’s briefly recall the game that changed the way the Oilers allowed fans to experience watching players walk onto the ice. That was an all time shit kicking. On the other hand, Sam Gagner though. These teams have such eerily similar styles that it’s usually an all out blitzkrieg when they hit the ice together. It makes for entertaining hockey. It’s also been the cause of most of the damage my liver has accumulated since the Oilers transformed into the Oilerz.


Yes, Chicago is good, but McDavid just got a hat trick. He’s officially “back” even though he never actually left in the first place. Guy was dishing assists all over the place during that 10 game goalless streak. Now he’s burying again, and he’s finally playing with this lunatic:


I predict four McBoners tonight, soaring by that idiot face Mark Scheifele for sole possession of the league lead, and the Oilers take this one 6-4. Jesse gets his first goal in almost two months. Matty Ice gets another point on another Tyler Pitlick goal, and Matty Vegas picks up an assist somewhere because obviously. The Drake gets his first NHL goal, just to make Hank happy. And Patrick Kane gets in his standard Edmonton titty shot during the second intermission:


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