The (Still) Kings of the Pac Take on the Kings of LA: Oilers @ Kings

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…bad news, everyone:

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Mother of God, this is chaos. On our current two week stink streak, the Oilers have managed to choke away our monumental lead over the rest of the Pac-7, and now sit tied with Anaheim for the crown. This must be how Russ Hanneman felt when he found out he was no longer a billionaire.

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Whatever. Anaheim can take their three little pity points and go back to running the flying V. Far as I’m concerned we’re still God (of the Pac). But it’s time to remind everyone else of that, starting today. Here’s how it’s going to happen:

Lineup

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More big news:

Iceman gets a rare night off, and gives way to the Monster.

 

Tonight’s Opponent

The Angels Kings

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Why They Stink

It took the Los Angeles Kings organization 45 years to become good and now they think they’re god’s gift to hockey. They were essentially California’s Canucks for nearly half a century, minus the regular season success. Then they landed the blue line’s Connor McDavid, started to win some relevant hockey games for the first time practically ever, and now think they’re entitled to make fun of franchises that have owned one of the greatest sports dynasty’s ever. Not mentioning any names. The Oilers.

Obligatory:

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Why Their Fans Stink

What honestly stinks the most about this fanbase is they have all the cool celebrities to cheer for them. Unlike the Rangers, who are led by the C list, the Kings bring in all the ones you’d want to hangout with. Some guys are even members of mine and Hank’s all-time bro teams. Ranker has actually ranked the list of celebrity Kings fans. Some of the best names include:

Taylor Swift:

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Tom Cruise:

 

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Billy Ferrell:

 

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and Johnny Gaudreau:

 

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I’m just kidding, other than maybe Will all of their celebrities suck too. Also, none of them went to games before 2012. They’re faker than the fictional characters that they play.

Which King Sucks

Hey, Tom Gilbert’s in LA! The Possession God! And he’s already eclipsed his point total of two from last year. Tommy Gun’s been playing on LA’s bottom pair with Kevin Gravel.

 

 

Kevin Gravel…

 

Oh, ok. That’s a real being.

Why They Might Not Stink

We’re 1-9-2 in our last 12 visits to the Staples Center and have been outscored 45-20 in the process. The last time we won in the City of Angels was November 3, 2011. That was Nuge’s rookie season.

The Roundup

It’s a big one tonight as Kevin Gravel takes on the City of Concrete. LA currently sits four points back of the division tied-for-leading Oilers, but more importantly, Calgary now sits one point back of us too. The good news through this entire shit storm is that we’re still the best. We know we’re going to start another winning streak soon (tonight), and that’s all it takes in hockey. We’re not used to the game’s parity because we’re generally buried at the bottom before we turn the clocks back an hour. But winning a few games in a row while on a playoff race could be the difference between first and fourth, and that’s how it looks like the Pac-7 is shaping out.

Tonight, we face a team that has both figuratively and literally punched us in the face since the current decade began.

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But that’s old news now. Despite what Oilers Twitter may be saying, this is not the same Oilers team that used to exist. We’re not getting pushed around like we used to. We’re not being run out the door like we used to. We’re in almost every game, we just need to start capitalizing on our chances, and generating more quality opportunities–not so much quantity. A good one timer from the slot is a helluva lot better than a Jordan Eberle butter soft 3 minute and 57 second wrister from the wall. Despite what Corsi may say, 47 of those a game does not increase your chance of winning; it only boosts an opposing goalie’s save percentage. These guys are professionals, they got to where they are in part because they can stop the muffins while reading the out of town scoreboard.

Also, Jay Woodcraft fetidly stinks at his job. I’m almost at the point where I don’t want to watch our power play anymore. If it legitimately looks like it’s teetered around Jordan Eberle’s non-existent one timer it’s because it is. And there’s only so many more Sekera blasts to the shin pads or Klefbom floaters into orbit that I can take before I inevitably convince myself that rolling five forwards on the first unit would be a better option than the cataclysmic disaster we’re currently operating with, or just declining the penalty altogether like in football. At least then the other team can’t ice the puck.

Prediction

We’re going to have to do the improbable to get this one tonight: win in Los Angeles. But we’re all about the improbable here at ENS. Two years ago we predicted Nail Yakupov to score more goals in a  single season then he will probably finish with in his entire NHL career. That’s never going to change.

So tonight, I’m calling the improbable. Not only will we not be scored on in the first five minutes of the game, will win in LA tonight too.

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Oilers score first, second, third, and last en route to a 4-0 win over the Kings. Goals from Connor (first in nine games), Pouliot (first in 10 games), and my boy Jesse (first since opening night). The other one comes from the Big Rig, of course.

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Those are some of his shirts. Buy them.

 

Puck drop: 8:30 on SN360

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