It Wasn’t All Peaches For The Oil Yesterday As Stars Twitter Nearly Put Us Into Extinction

Some of you may know this, but the Oil took a break from pumping the Blackhawks last night to start a very justified Twitter war with the Dallas Stars. It all started when Stars pylon Jamie Oleksiak scored his first goal of the year, and they incorrectly referred to him as the Big Rig:

Oilers Twitter naturally responded, correcting the Stars for their level of stupidity:

There simply cannot be two Big Rigs in the NHL. It’s impossible. This isn’t Utah, there are rules against having two of the same thing. And if you ask me, the Oil kind of took the highroad here. If I heard of someone referring to somebody other than Pat Maroon or Teeps’ wife as the Big Rig, I would naturally ask if that poser has his own line of fire t-shirts? You, I, your neighbour, their cat, and the Dallas Stars all know damn well that Oleksiak does not. Regardless, Dallas still felt the need to act tough about this intentional mishap:

This is the part that doesn’t make a lot of sense to me. The Stars—presumably compensating for their lack of relevance behind Ezekiel Elliot’s 375 yards per game—decided a match to the death was needed between the real Big Rig and the wannabe, demonstrated by that blurry Oilers logo they put over the man getting punched right in the face. Well them’s fighting words (gifs). This is where the Oil needed to put aside their Canadian politeness for a couple seconds, bring out the big guns, and start a real war. And props to them, because they kind of did…

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…which promptly cued the near-fatal howitzer:

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FARTTTTTSSSSS. Tyler Motte thinks that shot was annihilation. And that was the end of it. The Oilers Twitter tried to quietly fade back into kicking the shit out of Chicago but the damage was already done. It’s every goddamn time, man. I might never forgive Lowe, Tambo, and MacT for the skid mark they left on this organization. We could go on to win eight Stanley Cups, set NHL records in nearly every category, and have Connor become the first player in history to be inducted into the hall of fame before he actually retires and hockey culture will still relish every single opportunity to remind the Oilers that they picked first overall a billion times in a row. Whatever. Add Dallas to the now suddenly growing list of teams that have physically assaulted us on social media. We’ll remember this the next time you beg Connor to go easy on your franchise. Just ask Columbus how well that goes:

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