Welcome Back to Reality



Five Straight L’s. Holy shit, this sucks. Remember when Vancouver lost like nine straight and we were LOLing all the way down Jasper Ave? Well this puppy is the longest current losing streak in the NHL, and our next two games are against Dallas and Chicago. Perfect segue into this known fact: we have five points in the entire month of November.

This will be a little different than the standard morning after style, as I barely watched the game, got shit to do today, and Hank’s been in line to see Fantastic Beasts since midnight. I’m sure you won’t mind, those who watched all 60 minutes of that shitfuckery. Won’t be going over the play-by-play of each period. This entire thing might just be one gigantic blog of final thoughts, Gartor’s Grinders, and an MOP. In fact, let’s just get those out of the way right now:


MOP & Gator’s Grinder


Daryl. Scored a nice goal. Added seven shots, three hits, four blocks, and one takeaway. Played the most minutes of any Oiler, and has widely outperformed every other regular d-man this season.

Now then.

“Final Thoughts”


Christ almighty. Don’t be fooled by the obnoxious game day predictions, because I thought the start of this month was going to be tough. I seen this portion of the schedule at the start of the year and thought, woof. There’s the stretch where we have the potential to go full Oilerz all over the place. But it hasn’t been the same as recent years, where we’ve just been got crushed by way better teams. We’re doing this to ourselves. The power play has gone 0 for a billion since its inauguration, and it doesn’t help when you’re already trailing before the puck even drops. Speaking of which, live look at our first periods:


The Oilers have been coming out of the gate STORMING of late, being scored on in the first 10 minutes in every game this month. (TOR: 1:29; NYR: 8:34; NYI: 0:13; DET: 8:53; PIT: 1:57; DAL: 0:28; NYR: 1:20; ANA: 7:13; LA: 5:09). We were scored on first in all but one of those games. I hate everything.

Cool. Remember Stu McGregor? The “Magnificent Bastard”? The one who drafted Jordan Eberle’s one-timer and Magnus Paajarvi and everybody thought he was the most brilliant sports mind since Theo Epstein? Well two of the prominent players he picked have been on waivers this year, and one of them hasn’t been an Oiler since like the last time we won in LA. God we were fooled so damn easily. Propaganda City. Might sneak in a couple episodes of Oil Change tonight.

Speaking of Theo, seems like a perfect time to remember arguably the worst tweet of 2016:

Former first overall pick Ryan Nugent-Hopkins hasn’t scored an even strength goal this year. It’s November 18th.

Leon Draisaitl has points in back to back games, so it’s almost time for him to disappear again (kidding, he’ll be at the Pint next weekend).

Ugh, hell.

I’m begging the NHL for realignment once we inevitably get the league to 32 teams so we don’t have to play LA and Anaheim 4/5 times per year. Two conferences, four divisions, four teams. The Oilers division could look something like this: EDM, CGY, VAN, WPG. We’d go undefeated.

Darnell Nurse aka Daryl aka D-Money led the team in shots yesterday, with seven. He’s been our best defensemen. Benoit Pouliot had none; he makes $48,781 per game.

Matt Benning. Went +1. From St. Albert. Matty Vegas played the second most minutes he’s played in an NHL game, so good for him.

Taylor Hall was healthy for a miraculous 15 games this year before he tore his meniscus on what one could assume was a failed blue line toe drag. At least Adam Larsson’s been better than him in the health department this season. Can’t wait for the next time he rubs a guy out along the boards and the Oilers Twitter account yells out “ADAM BOMB!!!” while we trail 2-0 six minutes into the first. I’ll be in the corner painfully drowning in a 2/6 of Absinthe.

Can we just play Calgary again?


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