Flash Flood Warnings In Effect!!: McDavid @ Buffalo

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It was, by all accounts, a great day for your boy yesterday. I sat on my couch knee slapping like an idiot as my Colts took the Jets from behind. Then I got to watch half-naked girls wink at cameras for an hour while I dismantled a pizza. Great day. Great fucking day. Still has nothing on how great this day will be.

There are very few things in life I enjoy more than watching el Connor emasculate his subordinate, Jack Eichel. Ten months ago, Connor went into Buffalo and nearly put Jack into early retirement. Last month, that blonde from the first row gave birth to Connor’s first child. Tonight, Connor returns to her hometown to impregnate the city of Buffalo while Jack has a front row seat once again. And if that isn’t enough to give you a horizontal exclamation point, this certainly will:

Lineup

OH MY!! Hide your daughters and pizzas from the first row!!! If you thought Connor fucks in Buffalo, wait until we release this beast onto upper New York.

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Goddammit yes. The team looked so boring on Sunday. Need a wildcard spark who’ll dig for pucks in the corner during a 15 second delayed offside. Matty Ice joins him back in the lineup after being healthied the last few games. Rest of the lineup looks like this:

The Big Rig has been playing mental so he slides up with Nuge and Ebs. Tony Slep and Big Pou slide out. And Iceman cometh, duh.

Tonight’s Opponent

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Why The Sabres Stink

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Stupid idiots. The fans prayed. The city dreamed. The team intentionally tanked for Connor McDavid. And we still got him!!

BURN

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WHERE IS YOUR GOD NOW?! SUCK IT, Tim Murray, you googly-eyed fart.

Why Sabres Fans Stink

Despite the fact that they opening expressed their desire to land el Connor, and despite the fact that they also opening displayed their burning frustration when we got him instead, AND despite the fact that Connor has wiped the floor with Jack’s curly hair since entering the league, they STILL try to convince themselves that Jack is better.

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……..

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Which Sabre Stinks

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I honestly feel bad for Jack. Poor guy will be linked to Connor for his entire career and he just has no hope. These are the kind of expectations that drive people to insanity. The media bombards him with Connor questions. Jack could torch Toronto for eight points and the media would ask him what it felt like to do that in Connor’s hometown. And remember, they’re not even friends! Jack was so sick of answering questions about a player from both another conference and country that he resorted to some serious high school Facebook beef material to blow off steam. Poor, poor Jack.

Why The Sabres Might Not Stink

Well, they pulverized us 6-2 at the Iron Jungle earlier this year, and that was without this shot in the lineup:

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…but that was before Talbot delivered his twins with his own bare hands and subsequently transformed into the Iceman.

The Roundup

Thanks to taking a couple days rest and a brief concussion protocol, Connor’s league lead has trickled down to a mere five points. After tonight, I fully expect his lead over Kucherov to be as large as the gap in Eberle’s teeth. Connor lives for these games. It’s easy for everyone to take a nap against Minnesota, but nobody sleeps on nights like tonight. I not only anticipate the boys to come out cooking, I expect them to. Jack has three goals and four points since returning from his self-inflicted ankle mutilation, and I expect him to come out with something to prove as well.

The thing is, Buffalo currently sits dead last in the Atlantic Division. They have the second lowest goals for in the league, and while most of that is the result of Eichel missing time, that speaks volumes to how terrible their scoring depth really is. Jack has played four games since returning to the lineup and has already moved into 12th on team scoring because Buffalo. But they don’t give up much either. They’re 9th in the league in goals against, and relying on our power play to generate offense is like relying on Matthew McConaughey not to whisper “alright alight alright” while enjoying a cold one on a sunny Texas day. We need to create better scoring chances in all aspects of the game than we did on Sunday, otherwise…well, I don’t even want to think about the otherwise.

Prediction

BUFFALO, we’re coming for ya!

Oilers win 4-3 in overtime, Connor gets the winner.  The other three goals will also be scored by Connor.


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