ENS Bachelor 21 Fantasy Draft, Featuring Jami From Bachelor 20
Those of you who have followed us for years know that we’re big Bachelor and Bachelorette guys at ENS. We’re lucky enough to have one of last season’s contestants, Jami, join us in our first ever ENS Bachelor Fantasy Draft, presented by ENS.
Good news for nobody, 36-year-old career runner up Nick is the 2017 Bachelor! Woof. Following Ben Higgins with Nick Viall is like following The Godfather with Herbie: Fully Loaded, but it is what it is. For those of you who don’t know, Nick’s the Bachelor‘s Jim Kelly. Nobody finishes second like Nick finishes second. He’s every girl’s safety school. Could you imagine being the runner up to known passive aggressive chauvinist, Josh Murray? Hahahahahah. What an all time punch to the dick. Then 365 days later he was body bagged again on national TV by good Edmonton girl, Kaitlyn Bristowe. Then a couple years later, he lost to Josh Murray AGAIN!
It would not shock me to see both of the final contestants leave him on the final day for like Brooks or Chad or even maybe Ashley I. Also, you have to be some kind of psycho to leave Jen Saviano at the alter. So whatever, Nick.
If your girl…:
Brings a gift or a prop out of the limo (10 points)
Gets the first impression rose (20 points)
Gets a kiss (5 points)
Attempts to “steal Nick away” when another girl is having one-on-one time (5 points)
Cries at any point (5 points)
Discusses her virginity (5 points)
Swears (5 points)
Learns to ‘get over her fears’ (5 points)
Mentions her child/children (5 points)
Does the Olivia face (5 points)
Mentions previous finance, husband, or boyfriend (10 points)
Says ‘I’m not here to make friends’ (10 points)
Says she has ‘trust issues’ or it’s difficult for her to ‘open up’ (10 points)
Says someone ‘isn’t here for the right reasons’ (15 points)
Says ‘I think I’m falling for/falling in love with’ (15 points)
Tells Nick they ‘love him’ (20 points)
Has Nick tell her he ‘loves her’ (30 points)
Gets a rose at a rose ceremony (5 points)
Gets picked for a group date (5 points)
Gets a rose on group date (15 points)
Gets picked for a one-on-one date (10 points)
Gets rose on the one-on-one date (5 points)
Gets picked for a two-on-one date (15 points)
Gets a rose on the two-on-one date (20 points)
Makes it to hometown dates (20 points)
Accepts the fantasy suite (30 points)
Wins the final rose (50 points)
Rejects Nick at the alter (Automatic win)
Jami landed the first overall pick and wasted no time making 26-year-old Sarah from Southern Cal this year’s Connor McDavid:
Absolute lethal eye/smile combo. Sarah teaches grade school for a living, meaning she’s the complete package, meaning she’s way to good for Nick.
Hank took a franchise player of his own with the second overall pick. The 27-year-old small business owner from the City of Angels, Danielle L, is a potential cornerstone for any Bachelor fantasy franchise:
That meant I was in charge of cleaning up the first round and my franchise player is coming in en a whole lot of fuego. Meet Angela, a 26-year-old model from South Carolina, and the captain of Team Shanny:
The snake draft rules rolled the first pick in the second round right back to me, so I took a flyer on Greek goddess Corinne, which heavily upset Jami, so I did my job. Hank came back with Lacey, who doesn’t have social media so I have no idea why she’s even on the show. Jami finished the second round by taking Whitney.
Whitney is a Pilates instructor, boys:
Here’s how the rest of the teams played out:
The other highlights included Jami snagging the two Canadians. I think Vanessa is a real threat to go far. Special education instructor from Montreal, meaning she also rocks a deadly accent. Hank took Ida Marie strictly because he thought that was a hell of a name. One of my favourite picks is without question food truck owner Michelle. What a job. Hank might have had the steal of the draft, landing Alexis in the last round. Potential Pavel Datsyuk. She’s an “aspiring dolphin trainer” and I know for a fact that one of the dates in this season is a swim with dolphins, so look out.
The Bachelor 21 premieres tonight (January 2nd) at 9 pm MT on ABC.