Home Ice Implications, Part II: Oilers @ Sharks

I’m working overtime at the office today while Hank hangs out in the Six.

The Oil roll from the Duck Pond to the Shark Tank just 24 hours after one of the most impressive wins we’ve watched this team produce in a decade of hockey. Sports Club Stats now has the Oil’s playoff chances cooking at 99.4%. What do we think it’s going to take to clinch? 92 points? 94 points? I don’t know. I do know that I will be getting disintegrated when that little goddamn ‘x-‘ shows up by our name in the standings, and I don’t care what day of the week it is. I was 14 the last time I seen that Roman numeral beside ‘Edmonton Oilers’. We’re now 27-15-8 after 50. That’s 62 points, boys and girls. We now have as many points as we did the entire 1 B.C. season under the leadership of this triathlete:


Would hate to mess with a lineup that’s outscored opponents 11-3 in the last two games but such is bumps and bruises. Looking like the Iceman will cometh for the second straight night.

Tonight’s Opponent

San Jose Sharks. Team of Mikkel Boedker. Naturally Mikkel Bodker hasn’t scored since burying a hatty in Edmonton.

Why They Stink

Blah blah blah can’t win in April.

Why Their Fans Stink

Who? These lovely creatures?

Sharks fans are the Raiders fans of the NHL, except nobody is actually scared of them. I love when they do their Shark chop thing while their 110 point hockey team gets cremated by LA in the first round. The Shark Tank is filled with about 17,000 brodults wearing face paint who pound on the glass and boo “O Canada” without any regard for humanity. If we were to condense them into a singular fan, they’d be that asshole who thinks he’s the most originally hilarious person in the world when he jokingly yells that he won the 50/50. Nobody has deserved this cluster-choke of a franchise more than Bay Area bro idiots.

Which Shark Stinks

SJ Sharkie is by far the most overrated mascot in the whole league. Can’t wait for Hunter to devour his soul this weekend.

And Mikkel Boedker again. Goddammit that guy.

Why They Might Not Stink

This was unreal:


We’re going to beat the Sharks inward tonight, but that was an all-time moment. God I love hockey.

Also, Brent Burns has an outside chance at 40 this year. I’m naming my first born ‘Connor’ and I’d still give Burns the MVP if he scores 40 goals.

The Roundup

Happy birthday, GOAT:

Hmm…team hires Wayne, team makes playoffs for first time in ever. I’m not entirely sure what exactly he does, but it’s working, so hell ya.

We have a shot at being tied for first in the PAC heading into the All Star break. Please, take a moment to let that sink in.


Ok. In 05/06, we picked up our 62nd point on January 29th. We have a shot at 64 tonight, on January 26th. And the Sharks almost lost the Ondrej Pavelec on Tuesday. Let’s do it. One more statement dub before Connor shreds the All Star Game.


Zack Kassian has more points in his last five games than elite player Sam Bennett has in his last 22, so he gets the Oil going again tonight with another goal. I’m feeling a big game from Lucic. He’s starting to establish his dominance on the PAC. He gets two. Leon is feeling it. He gets three. Connor is Connor. He gets four.

Oilers win 5-2.

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