The Morning After Blog: Feeble

Well that was one of the worst efforts I’ve ever seen professional hockey players produce since like at least probably last year. It was a gutless effort by the boys. Plenty of them completely vanished. Many of the ones who didn’t were obnoxiously trash instead. That picture above is the perfect avatar for the game. Columbus took us from behind on almost every relevant category. The result probably should have been worse had it not been for Talbot. Oh, LA and San Jose went into overtime last night, too.

This whole playoff race thing will be how I go.

1st Period

My spirit animal went into a puck battle 200 feet from out net with one hand on his stick and the other mercifully attempting to strangle Jack Johnson. As a result, maybe the greatest power play in NHL history went to work and oh wouldn’t you know it.

That’s Cam Atkinson burying his 18th (!!!!) goal of the year. He now has five less points than el Connor, in three less games played. I don’t even know these Blue Jackets. This must be how Dolores from Westward feels every time she thinks she’s in a dream.

1-0 Blue Jackets

2nd Period

Anybody who watched this one will know that the Oilers were practically out of it after the opening face-off. That’s why it was pleasantly surprising to see the boys tie it up five minutes into the second:

That’s a sexy little pass from the Big Rig right there. BR19 was one of the few Oilers who showed up for this one. Oscar Klefbom has one less goal than Nugent-Hopkins this year. So despite being badly outplayed, we found ourselves tied with the best team in hockey.

But these things have a way of working themselves back out. That’s the universe for you. Davidson got called for a holding penalty that I vaguely remember, and Billy Karlsson made us pay on yet another CBJ PP.

2-1 Columbus

3rd Period

I’ll save you the word count. Nick Foligno, on a beautiful feed by Benoit Pouliot, who does in fact still play for us.

3-1 Jackets, final.

Final Thoughts

Fuck

When you spend the entire pregame talking about how much more rested you were coming into this one it turns out to be a really tough look after you get outshot 35-22.

We had four shots on goal in the first period. I feel like Slovakia.

Columbus has won 16 straight games…I still can’t. How did we let this happen?

Live look at Jordan Eberle:

Live look at Benoit Pouliot:

I will literally start a GoFundMe account to raise money for Vegas to take him.

Brace yourselves: Connor only has five points in his last ten games…

Yes. Since playing the antichrist Brandon Manning, Connor only has points in four of our 10 games. Before that bag of farts opened his dumb mouth, Connor was making the NHL his prison bitch. If you didn’t believe it by now, it’s real. The curse of Brandon Manning is an actual thing.

Hottest Tweet of the Night

I hate their streak as much as the next average hockey fan, but this is just an outrageous tweet by Dave:

Going on a limb and saying Dave has never once had sex with the lights on.

If the game were a song

Edge of Seventeen – Stevie Nicks

Stupid Columbus.

MOP and GGG

The Big Rig, naturally. Guy was one of maybe three Oilers who I didn’t want to get accidentally struck by the Jackets cannon. He was throwing the body, dished out a nice assist, and had a tilt with that little punk Brandon Dubinsky.

 

PS – Jesse looks like a lost child without el Connor. It’s been this way for over a month. His line got violated by the Jackets. And although Friggin Todd tried about 16 wingers with Connor last night, Jesse still was not one of them. Need I remind everyone he had like five points in three games while playing with the Jesus. Either put 98 with 19 and 97 right fucking now or send that poor kid to the minors. It’s like watching the purest form of torture at this point. Friggin Todd, man. Please, Oilerz, save this man:

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