The Team We Made That Trade With In The Summer: Oilers @ Devils
Awwwwwwww, Taylor was so upset. Poor, poor Taylor. Can’t imagine he’s overly thrilled that the Oil are currently a comfortable eight points ahead of New Jersey, sitting (one point behind) second in the PAC, and rolling through what has been our best season in 10 years. Meanwhile, el Lips is on track to miss the playoffs for his seventh straight year, the longest any first overall pick has ever gone without playing in mid-April.
The Oilers face the former franchise player of the Ranch tonight in beautiful Newark, New Jersey. It’s been an up and down year for Taylor, who’s on yet another god awful hockey team, playing in yet another god awful city, except there’s no Connor to hide behind in the swamp. The good news is, the Devils stink. The bad news is, Taylor has everything to prove. In all my years of being alive I have never seen a player shafted as hard as Hall got shafted in Edmonton. The guy spent six years of shit playing in the Concrete Jungle across the street from Diesel and Whisky Rock and YEG and Pinky’s, only to get dealt to the asshole of America literally minutes before we got good and moved to our beautiful new arena. Now, he’s stuck wasting life on another sub .500 hockey team while Connor murders defensemen and the Oilers fight for PAC supremacy.
Oh, and Adam Larsson makes his return to New Jersey!
Regardless of Gustavsson's 7-1-1 lifetime mark against Devils, Talbot starts vs NJ. I'd expect Hendricks back in lineup, Puljujarvi out.
— Jack Michaels (@EdmontonJack) January 7, 2017
FREE JESSE for fuck’s creek. Jesus goddamn Christ, Todd.
HALL DID IT!!!!
Why They Stink
Have you ever been to Newark? I have. Don’t. Everything you’ve heard is true. It’s the butthole of New York. I thought the plane might get mugged when we landed. I seen a burning grocery cart. I think I even seen aids. The whole city smells like burning meth. The best part of Newark is the tunnel going under the Hudson to Manhattan.
Why Their Fans Stink
They’re not even the most liked team in a 20 mile radius. They’re not even the second most liked team in a 20 mile radius.
Which Devil Stinks
I mean, I have to:
It’ll be so refreshing watching Hallsy fuck up three blue line toe drags from the other side of the rink.
Why They Might Not Stink
We all know the ‘Curse of the Former Oilers’ pretty damn well, and considering Kyle Brodziak and Toby Rieder light our ass up every time we play them, I’d be a little bit worried about tonight.
Well, Vancouver has won six straight. They’ve actually leapfrogged Los Angeles and are one point behind Calgary for fourth. Anaheim has ripped by San Jose for first, so the boys are now three points behind the Ducks with one game in hand. Tonight’s an extremely winnable game. In a late Christmas present, it looks like Keith Kinkaid will get start in goal for Newark tonight, meaning we don’t have to face the Gingerman. Now let’s go grab a quick two from the Rock and head to the Nation’s capital.
The PAC is rolling, and the Oilers will keep it that way. Taylor scores like four because like of course he does, but the Oilers win 5-4 anyways.