Full Day After Blog: Would Rather Have Two Points Than Two Jerseys

He who laughs last laughs the longest
– Somebody
– Shanny

Suck it all the way, Florida. Keep your ugly jerseys.

1st Period

 

Eleven Klefbombs this year. ELEVEN. That’s one more than elite player Sam Bennett. He’s now tied for third in defensemen goals, only trailing a couple guys named Shea Weber and Brent Burns. They’re alright.

1-0 Good guys

2nd Period

Considering how Tuesday went, it would have been weird if we didn’t give up at least one goal literally seconds into a period. Sasha Barkov got the crooks on the board just 21 seconds into the second 20. Luckily, the Oilers have Eric Gryba:

That’s Connor McGryba with the one-t off the post. It looks like they actually took the goal away from baby face and gave it to this face instead:

With under five to go, it was Colton Sceviour, who is apparently now playing for Florida, getting it all back to square for the Cats. Would be nice if the $18M line showed up, right? RIGHT?

Little baby Nuge! Every so often he does something that reminds you he still very much in fact exists. Finally. Dear god, this line’s been all sorts of aids to watch. Of course, five seconds later Matty Fossilized Ice took a holding penalty, which naturally meant the NHL’s worst home power play would get their second of the game a casual four seconds before the end of the period. I don’t even want to think about how disgusted I was at that play. How you let alleged sniper Jordan Marchessault get that wide open with that little time left literally sickens me. That was some old Oilers bullshit and I wasn’t having any of it…

3-3

3rd Period

Luckily, Connor. El capitan took what was originally a standard breakout and turned it into a fast break odd-man rush, and it was everyone’s favourite shot blocker to the rescue:

JUST LIKE EVERYONE ALWAYS KNEW HE WOULD! Stick that up your Corsi and smoke it! That’s Señor Fancy Stats’ first as an Oiler. We actually got physically and literally dominated this period, but lucky for us the Iceman comethed to play and the Oilers continued their utter ownage in disgusting Sunrise, FL.

4-3 EAT BOOGERS, FLORIDA!

Final Thoughts

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Relocate, you mecca of imbeciles.

Stupid idiot Ducks beat the Bruins last night so ya that win was pretty huge.

Before I go to bed every night, I thank God for never giving MacTambellini the chance to royally fuck up Oscar Klefbom.

The Cam Talbot trade might go down as the single best trade in Oilers history, no word of exaggeration whatsoever. He’s mental.

This is what hockey boners are made of:

Goddammit take my money. Making Keith Yandle look like a fire hydrant.

Ten up on the shitiots in Calgary and 12 up on LA with about 20 games left in the season. Guys, we’re nearly the point of having that x- beside our names!

Hottest Tweet of the Night

There’ll probably eventually be a blog entirely dedicated to how repulsively stupid this is very soon, but for now:

If anybody’s looking for a article that has no research or knowledge or effort out into it all all then there you go. First of all, lol okay. Second, not once does the article mention the greatest young player in hockey. Third–and I’m looking directly at you here, Vice–take that verbal oblivious diarrhoea you call sports reporting and invest it in a Snapchat story on how marijuana has a direct impact on the culture in Canada. You turbo bums.

If the game were a song…

“Sympathy for the Devil” – The Rolling Stones

Except I have no sympathy at all for that devil we just swept. Give me my jerseys.

MOP

With injuries to almost every defensemen on our active roster, Oscar Klefbom has stepped up and produced. Daddy was hungry last night, and probably could have had 14 had it not been for some bad luck on Draisaitl’s part, but Klefbom deserves this MOP. Back-to-back nights of over 26 minutes in ice time.

GGG

Iiro the Hero laid out four guys and stepped in to defend Khaira at the end of the first. The little Finn’s been everywhere since returning from injury. Special shoutout to Rej for taking an $8 million clapper right to the chesticles last night. Get well soon, Rejjy.

PS – The Oilers are actually back and Calgary is tasting our dust. Life couldn’t be better.


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