Manning vs. Daddy, Part III: Flyers @ Oilers

Part I (NSFW):

Part II:

Welcome to the NHL’s sneaky best rivalry, part III. Connor sadly took the high road in all his pregame interviews, but we expect that from him. Meanwhile:

Awe, life on butthurt island. So basically, Connor can downplay tonight’s game all he wants, but we know these two still can’t stand each other. This game means much more to Connor than he’s leading on. Priority number one? Captaining the Oilers to their 31st win of the season. Priority number two? Physically and emotionally torture that useless 7th pylon at the Rog Mahal tonight and we all know that. So long as he keeps the mitts on. Taylor Toe Drag may have been exiled to Newark but I still can’t get the image of him pretzeling his own ankle out of my head. Let the Rig or the Looch or the Lunatic take care of business.

Also:

I legitimately get all hot and bothered at the idea of Connor demanding any player–never mind a bottom pair defensemen–get out there against him.

Lineup

Our power play’s second unit gives me syphilis.

Last time we played Philly, Jonas Gustavsson started. Luckily, that’s impossible tonight. Iceman cometh.

Tonight’s Opponent

This guy. Clean hockey player, Brandon Manning. King of the accidental collisions.

Their bodies were clearly tied up. And I mean, if the puck didn’t lose an edge then Tom Wilson probably wouldn’t be spelling ‘cat’ with a ‘ph’.

Why They Stink

Dougie Weight’s Islanders are just one point back of these bums now. Would love to help three-nine’s boys get into the playoffs.

Why Their Fans Stink

Oh, these abhorrent creatures?

These are the same law-abiding citizens that fired memorial wristbands onto the ice to voice their displeasure. This is the same city that booed Santa Claus before peppering him with snowballs. My favourite is the Philly bro who proclaimed he would fight Connor McDavid before yelling PUSSY at him via Twitter. It doesn’t get more Philly than that.

Why Brandon Manning Stinks

All jokes and resentment aside, the guy actually sucks at defensemaning. Here’s Colorado Avalanche bench warmer Andreas Martinsen making Brandon Manning look like Brandon Manning:

And here he is gift wrapping a breakaway for Toronto Marlies’ benchwarmer Colin Greening:

And here he is getting his face reconstructed by Chris Kreider:

The Roundup

El Connor and the fellas are, understandably, downplaying tonight’s matchup.

Big game. Two points. Classic rhetorical move. Throughout his very young career, only one player has ever publicly damned Connor: Brandon Manning. Only one player has severed Connor’s generational clavicle: Brandon Manning. And there’s only been one player that, to our knowledge, has visibly called Brandon Manning a ‘fucking bitch’: Daddy. Point is, this is unfamiliar territory for the boys. Obviously getting two points are most important right now, but we’d all be lying if we said there wasn’t a little underlying resentment existing in tonight’s game. And I mean, we all know if the Oil get a big lead there’s a moderate to extremely likely chance they let the maniac loose:

Live look at Kass’s locker:

Prediction

These bums couldn’t even beat Calgary last night and they expect to come into the 780 while Daddy already has a very legitimate chip on his shoulder and beat the Oilers? Hahaha okay good one Philly. 7-2 Oilers. Connor goes bananas and gets like five, and every time busts out a celly that would make Tony Manero cream his shorts. Brandon Manning goes dash five and gets placed on waivers between the second and third. The Big Rig eats because I’m wearing his shirt. Leon moves passed Alex Ovechkin in league scoring. And what the fuck, even Eberle gets a goal. I’m feeling generous tonight. Let’s go.


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