Morning After Blog: Still On Vacation Mode

Shit.

Special shout out to Hank for covering the game day blog for me. Been a helluva weekend for your boy. It would appear as though I am still a terrible snowboarder. One torn rotator cuff and a painkiller prescription later and I’m about as useless as Nikitin from the blue line south. But even injuries can’t keep me away from the keyboard. Much like the Oilers, I have returned from my break.

Real Goliath versus Goliath match up to end January. If in October you thought the Oil and the Wild would be leading their divisions on January 31st you’d almost surely be huffing the pot.

1st Period

Both teams spent the first 20 working off that All Star hangover, trading B- chances all around. Finally, it was computer generated Tyler Graovac who opened the scoring on just a feeble shift by Russell and Sekera.

That’s the exact kind of play that was not happening whilst we were obliterating the Flames, Ducks and Sharks.

1-0 Minny…just kidding, we let Jason Zucker walk untouched right in front of the net with three seconds left.

2-0 Wild

2nd Period

So what happened here was, Grandpa Matty Ice just sort of fell in front of the net, and all $9-million of Zach Parise was allowed to to bury his own rebound and make it 3-0. He now makes $1-million for every goal he’s scored this year. This team’s in first place.

But just when we started thinking about the flight to Nashville, it was Tony to the rescue*!

*goal would later be changed to Larsson, Tony still drew an assist. He had a good game. Best looking player on the team.

BIG goal to get the boys back into this annnnnd it’s 4-1:

That was the end of the night for the Iceman, who was the lucky recipient of a combined dash seven performance courtesy of Kris Russell and Rejy Shin Pads.

If there’s one thing we’ve learned about this edition of Oilers, it’s that they’re never really out of the game. Leon became the first Oiler to reach 20 goals after banging this baby home with a little over three to go in the frame:

McThird Assist.

4-2 Not Oilers

Third Period

Darcy Kuemper one timed a puck to Camrose, giving the Oilers a power play about two minutes into the third. We didn’t score. But seconds after it ended, you better believe they did:

Think I’ll just leave it there.

5-2 Wild

Final Thoughts

Everybody gets one.

Six to midcheese:

He’s just too fast. The NHL record holder for faster skater ever to live without a head start. Marco Scandella gave up on even thinking about trying to beat him to the puck there. That’s what it takes to try to beat him one on one: just throw out everything you’ve ever been taught about hockey and wing the hell out of it. Still almost didn’t work.

I didn’t think his McGears were going as well as they usually do. Minny did a great job and shutting him down all year long. Whatever. Everyone rejoice, it’s the last time we’ll have to play Minnesota this year, because there’s no way in Christ they’re getting by Chicago en route to facing us in the Western Conference final. I don’t care if they win out their last 30-some games, Minny can’t beat Chicago. The Hawks are the Wild’s playoff kryptonite.

Kris Russell had a very not good game of hockey.

This is just simply ridiculous:

Wasn’t Bruce Boudreau the one who said the only way to slow down McDaddy is to pray? Well holy goddamn shit it worked. Seriously. We’re done playing these bums. Thank you sweet baby McJesus.

Hunter looks a lot more like Minnesota’s mascot than ours. Here he is at the All Star game, fresh off murdering an unsuspecting victim with a broomball stick:

I don’t know when this was, or who suffered the casualty, but this first degree obliteration surfaced on the weekend and it needs to be brought to everyone’s attention:

Hey guys look I’m the team hero I’m flying up the ice mom’s videotaping me KA-FUCKING-BOOOOOOOOM!!! What a barn. Where legends are made and defensemen hardos get blown up trying to rip up the middle with their head down. Long live the Dale!!!!!!!!!—Wish I could say the same about that guy.

That reminds me, Merch Madness is right around the corner. Oh baby. All of the T8N’s electricity for the month will be consumed by the Brick Jungle on Herbert.

Congrats to Matty Vegas on getting engaged over the weekend! Good St. Albert couple right there.

Hottest Tweet of the Night

Bruh.

If the game were a song…

I’m Alright” – Kenny Loggins

MOP & GGG

Tony Slepyshev. Best looking player on the team. Tony was flying out there all night. Laid three hits, added an assist. On a night where everybody looked asleep, it was refreshing to see Tony bring it like he always does. Big fan of this guy.

Bonus GGG goes to this little guy for bringing the heat into the Rog Mahal:

Happy to see our youth still letting the vocals rip in the new barn while the suits sip martinis in the Chairman’s Club.


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