Revenge Is Best Served On A Dish At The Madhouse: Oilers @ Blackhawks

Happy Hockey Day in Canada! Being that there are seven Canadian teams, one team every year gets a snubbed an all Canadian match up. This year, that’s us. But does it really feel like a snub when the networks give you a prime time game against arguably the best team of the decade over some fluff 2:00 start against like Ottawa or Winnipeg?

No way Jose Bautista! Challenge absolutely accepted. While Ontario tunes in to watch the Sens/Leafs game end 2-1, the rest of the country will throw it on Sportsnet to see McDaddy at the Madhouse in a potential Western Conference Finals match up against Toews, Kaner and co. Ya here we go, Edmonton!

Lineup

Friggin’ Todd rollin’ with the same guys who have buried 11 in the past six periods.

Ya okay. Iceman cometh because of course he is. We should probably get a reliable back up soon. It’s almost time to start resting Talbot for the playoffs. I’ll never get tired of saying that: playoffs.

Tonight’s Opponent

Chicago Blackhawks

Why They Stink

Hockey’s Patriots?

Also, “Chelsea Dagger” was used in a Toyota commercial. Congratulations, your goal song is now linked to the company that gave our planet the Prius.

Why Their Fans Stink

I was going to make fun of how 23 Hawks fans were arrested immediately following their game 6 win over Boston, but then I started thinking about Edmonton, and the degeneratism that is quite literally a staple of this town, and that el Connor is probably 11 wins away from clinching our first playoff birth since forever. Now I kind of think those numbers are low. Bandwagoners.

Oh, and Vince Vaughn hasn’t made a good movie since Wedding Crashers. And he almost single handedly made me boycott HBO after his rhinoceros shit of a performance on True Detective. And I’m pretty sure he hasn’t made it to a game since the Hawks second Cup win anyways. Fuck Vince Vaughn.

Which Chicago Stinks

Until the Hawks started blowing out the NHL, the only team in Chicago to have any success in the last 15 years had been the White Sox and lol because nobody actually cares about the White Sox. The best part about sports was how the Cubs hadn’t won a title post-WWI. It was getting so bad that they were scapegoating a glasses wearing, Walkman carrying, turtleneck owning nobody for their lack of success. And I loved it. I loved that they blew, just like I love that the Bulls have sucked tit post-MJ, and the Bears still willingly pay Jay Cutler to throw 20 picks a season. The Cubs were the perfect avatar of a city that has deserved no success in the realm of sports, and now that’s over. It was the only time in my life I wanted Bill Murray to thoroughly suffer. I wanted the Cubs to lose so bad that I actually cheered for Cleveland in a professional sports championship. Cleveland. The gonorrhea of America. Chicago sucks.

The Roundup

It’s a goaltender’s nightmare every time these two teams play. In the last 18 meetings, 11 have had at least one team score five or more goals, including both games this year. Game one saw the Oil thump Chicago 5-0 at the Rog Mahal. Game two saw Chicago come back into Edmonton and bully the Oilers 5-1. Tonight’s the rubber match. We were not-so-fresh and still probably excruciatingly hungover after our bye a week ago, and Chicago used that to their advantage. Well oh how the tables have flipped. Tonight, Chicago playing their first game after their bye. I know one Hawk semi-personally (humble brag, level 1,000) and I know he and some of the boys took a little bye week trip to Mexico, and I can safely tell you I’ve never come home from Mexico without an apocalyptic hangover. Just so happens that the floodgates have opened for the orange and blue. Smell that?

For the first time in my adult life I cheered for the Florida Panthers yesterday, and they actually came through—also for the first time ever (1-0 when cheering for the Cats, 0-2 when promised jerseys). Now the Oil have the same amount of points plus a game in hand on Anaheim. It’s point night for Saint Joseph in the desert, so tonight’s a huge game for the Oil to not only keep pace with the Sharks, but to build a little gap between us and the Ducks. And it’s always a bonus to start a six game roady with a W.

Prediction

I’ll admit that most of the time I’m maybe just a little bit bias when it comes to these, but I actually think we’re going to crush the Hawks tonight. The boys are rolling, there’s no upcoming All Star Game to ruin our mojo, and NHL teams are a preposterous like 3-8-1 after their byes. I’ll take those odds. Oil win 6-2. Connor adds to his league lead with his ninth three point night of the year. The Big Rig definitely scores his 21st. And Matty Ice gets a point, giving him a three game point streak for just the third time in his illustrious career.

 


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