Shanny vs. The Panthers, Part II: Oilers @ Panthers

When you tell me you’re going to give me two free jerseys with my season seats but then you screw me harder than Willy Bank screwed Reuben Tishkoff in Ocean’s 13 so the Oilers get Connor McDaddy and he makes Aaron Ekblad look like Chris Christie running the 40:

We meet again, my old friends.


Gryba in for Larsson got me like:

No official word on who’s coming out for Khaira yet but let’s assume it’s Matty Ice because that fossil can’t play back to back games anymore, doctor’s orders. Iceman cometh. Speaking of the Iceman:

With 22 games left, and the Iceman comething in realistically about 18 of them, Talbot has a good chance at becoming just the second goalie in Oilers history to reach 40 wins in a single season, joining that elite company with a hall of famer who played behind the likes of Wayne Gretzky and Mark Messier and Jari Kurri and Paul Coffey and Glenn Anderson and Kevin Lowe and Petr Klima.

Tonight’s Corrupt Organization

These raging idiots:

Florida Panthers co-owner Doug Cifu admits his team is bleeding money and that the franchise lost about $114,000 per day last season.

Normally I never believe what owners have to say; blame that on the culture el Daryl has raised us in. But I 150% believe Cifu when he says the team’s dropping $114,000 a day. Take it from a guy that sold two tickets for $1 back in 2013 when the Jets rolled into Sunrise—that team does not make money. You literally cannot buy anything at the Rog for $1. It’s $7.50 for a Gatorade.

Why They Stink

Well, if you don’t know of or haven’t read the jersey story, click here. Sadly, that’s not where this story ends. I wish I could tell you their LAPD circa-1990 equivalent corruption ended back in 2013. I wish I could tell you that I was the only good, law-abiding citizen they’ve bent over in the last four years. Unfortunately, that’s not one of those stories. This franchise has no business being in that disgustingly polluted swamp they call Sunrise. They, the Kim Jong Pathers, have reportedly lost $154 million since 1997-98. Instead of shoving that money-blowing franchise in an industrial-sized shredder, Broward County voted to pay Cifu and these Bernie Madoff money-vacuuming charlatans a whopping $86 million of taxpayers’ money to keep the Panthers in Sunrise until 2023.

They get an $86 million bailout and I still don’t have any jerseys. Figure that one out.

Why Their Fans Stink


Which Panther Stinks

Stanley C. Panther, seen here pouring taxpayers dollars on some Blue Jackets fans:

Such a tragically ironic name. The closest Stanley has been to his estranged brother ended in a dismantling of epic proportions, courtesy of the Colorado Avalanche.

Also, Derek MacKenzie—Florida’s Ethan Moreau—was named captain at the start of the year. He has 14 points and a fired head coach on his 2016-17 resume.

Why They Might Not Stink

Jaromir Jagr is my spirit animal.

The Roundup

Last night’s game was the type of asteroid-that-killed-the-dinosaurs bathroom trip of a hockey game that you’d like to move away from as soon as possible. Luckily, playing 24 hours later gives you literally no time to sulk about the colossal stinker left at the Amalie Arena. (I swear to God, if I had to hear Kevin and that mouth-breathing imbecile Drew cream about the fucking ‘triplet line’ one more time I was punting my TV to Leduc.)

The good news for the Oilers is that we’re now skating in extremely comfortable territory. The Panthers are one of those rare franchises that the Oilers have had a plethora of success against. We’ve won seven in a row down in Sunrise, and are getting James Reimer for the second time this year tonight. James, of course, lost his jockstrap back on January 18th at the Rog Mahal, courtesy of Daddy launching it to the Sky Lounge in overtime. He has, however, won five in a row, and is 8-1-1 in his last 10. Whatever.

LA beat the worst team in modern day history last night, and Calgary couldn’t choke properly against Nashville, so both teams made a little ground on the boys. Meanwhile, Anaheim hosts Boston at the Pond tonight, and San Jose remains idle on their bye week. As if my personal bias wasn’t enough of a reason to throttle the Panthers tonight, logistically it just needs to happen as well. As dominant as we’ve been against the west this season, it’s been a polar opposite story versus the east. Picking up some tough road points in inter-conference play is an obvious huge asset as we head into the most important stretch since before Pronger demanded a trade.

Also, checked my mail this morning and still don’t have any jerseys. If any Oilers fans are kicking around Sunrise tonight, check if they have any mediums. That way I’ll know that they’re lying.


Connor wastes little time twisting Optimus Reim into Medusa’s hair, putting one passed him and assisting on a Marky Mark power play goal in the first. It’s cruise control from there. Iceman naturally shuts the door and the Oil take this one 4-1. Puck drop’s at 5:30, again.

PS – Give me my jerseys.


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