I Think This May Be The Most In Love With The Oilers That I’ve Ever Been
Sup, Brandon? Have you ever heard of Grenada? Grenada is very interesting because it is a small island nation that was invaded by the United States of America in 1983; it’s got 90,000 people. And essentially it means this case is “unlosable.” So we can come in, we can have our dicks hanging out of our pants, noooooobody gives a fuck!… Connor’s going to win. You sir–Brandon Manning–are what’s known… as a Grenada*.
I’m fully and unconditionally in love with this hockey team. I don’t know when it started, or how it began, but I know after yesterday that it’s very, very real. All the emotions that I have invested in this team are finally paying off, and my god it feels incredible. And I want to just say that I think this is the most in love with the Edmonton Oilers that I have ever been in my 25 years on Earth. Yes, 2006 was amazing. But I was 14. Nobody knows what love is at 14. Now, I’m
mature older, and have a much better understanding of what I am looking for in a hockey team. And last night, I saw it with my own eyes.
Last night, we all watched something that very recent Oilers teams of the past would never have even remotely consider doing: The fellas stuck up for a teammate, and whooped a borderline playoff team in the process. I mean, just look at this picture:
My god, it looks like the prelude of that Thrones scene where the Mountain literally crushes Oberyn’s skull. Nobody has been tougher on Brandon Manning than myself during this entire fiasco, but dammit I’ll admit, I’m applauding the hell out of that man for standing up and taking an absolute dismantling at the Rog Mahal last night. That’s why hockey’s the greatest game on Earth. He showed up, absolutely took it, and was extremely classy and understanding about all of it after the game. So to were the Oilers, which is incredible when you think about it, because it truly seemed like every guy in blue wanted to send Manning their own, personalized message. Cash me in the nads howbow dah!!:
After that, it was time for the Big Tilt that was actually just a first degree pummelling. Here is the G rated portion of that piss kicking:
Then Leon from out of nowhere because honestly why the hell not:
And finally, Kass was giving it to Manning from the pine, because it wouldn’t be a night of solicited torture without that maniac getting involved:
Look at Matty “100 points” Ice standing up and providing his two cents there as well. Manning wisely turned around when Matty Ice started feeding him words. Smart play. I think Nuge might have said something too. Guy’s picked up an edge after punching Vinnie Hinostroza back to the AHL. Doing his best Kenny Wu, honorary bash bro impression.
My point is, I’ve never seen this team act that way before. They all talked before the game about how there was nothing to worry about except getting two points and blah blah but we all knew there was at least a little bit of something going on. This is the same team saw Looch go Calgary cement truck Deryk Engelland in the opening game, just for taking a couple liberties on some of the players. This is the same team that watched as Kassian ripped from Saturn to put OEL into 50 shades of body bags, then auto-shed while subsequently firing a light speed haymaker directly into the jibs of Tony Duclair. This is NOT the same team that watched with their fingers up their ass as former Oilers doer of nothing Jesse Joensuu got fed a sucker punch sandwich.
In fact, Philly sort of looked like the Oilers of old last night. While Brandon Manning was taking the beating of his life, all 19 of the other Flyers sort of huddled around and did nothing. I think Wayne Simmonds tried to chirp once but then even he faded off into the sunset. And I’d be damned if I didn’t admit that it felt so good to be on the other end of that spectrum for once. If this is the team I’m about to watch in April for the first time in basically ever then my liver better be taking a page out of the MLB’s playbook and immediately report to training camp. Let’s go, Edmonton!
*Special shoutout to the ENS readers and loyal Oil fans watching us make history all the way down in real life actual place of Grenada. I see you. I hear you.