Apparently Ryan Whitney And Colby Armstrong Feel Entitled To Mock Ryan Smyth On TV?

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Okay then. Was that supposed to be funny? Because I’ve been sitting on this for a while now and I’m still at a loss for words. For one, I’m simply baffled that a Canadian sports network with strong ties to the Edmonton Oilers would allow such asininity from two players who could barely stay healthy long enough to be considered part of the league, let alone be allowed to spew vomit all over a set like they did last night. Less than one day after TSN announces the reacquisition of Jay and Dan, Sportsnet diligently reminds us that their two-bit, chicken-shit fluff of a network will never be even remotely on par with their competitor. I don’t care how much money Rogers spends on the NHL, I would rather watch curling reruns on TSN than mouth-breathing fuck nuts like Ryan Whitney and Colby Armstrong leave gonorrhoea piss all over the set. Imagine if I logged on and started chirping on John Buccigross, or Dan Patrick, or Greg Wyshynski? I’d just go ahead and delete myself from the internet. I strongly recommend these two injury prone waterboys do the same. God knows Sportsnet won’t. This is the same network that still willingly pays Drew Remenda.

The ironically hilarious fact about both these former players is that neither of them were ever wanted long enough to have been sent off with an emotional farewell like Smytty received. Even the Panthers were so cognizant of Ryan Whitney’s suckness that they put Dylan Olsen and Colby Robak ahead of him on the depth chart. Ryan Smyth enjoyed a long, successful career (1,270 GP, 842 points) that will likely land a comfortable corporate job in hockey operations with the Edmonton Oilers or some other team in the not-too-distant future, where his opinion will be highly regarded and necessary to actually help build a professional hockey team. These two shitbeciles played a combined 957 games in the league while registering a combined 468 points. I’m actually surprised Whitney can travel between his jobs in New York and Toronto without imploding an ankle. When Armstrong’s not on the couch in his extremely dim-lit basement trying to get Sid on the phone like Messier and Connor, he’s taking a break from taking a break by mocking one of the most iconic Canadian players of our generation on a network whose Rogers label decorates the outside of our building.

What these two glory day reliving idiots fail to realize is how much Smytty did for this community, both on and off the ice. Both he and his wife have spent the majority of their tenure in the city being local ambassadors for the Stollery, he’s teamed up with Garth Brooks in the Teammates for Kids foundation. He is and forever will be a hero in Northern Alberta. He’s loved here, and he’s reciprocated that love back to the community and to the fans throughout his entire professional life. And I’d love to see either one of those Band-Aids try to mock Ryan Smyth in front of someone other than Jeff fucking Marek. Try pulling a stunt like that in front of Mark Messier and Wayne Gretzky and let me know how that goes, tough guys. Or Louie DeBrusk. God knows Louie wouldn’t be about playing that shit.

 

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1 Response

  1. lavy says:

    Die hard oilers fan here.. What you failed to mention in your hasty blog, and what Smyth failed to mention in his heartfelt press conference was that he could have remained an Oiler for a measly $300,000 thousand dollar difference between the two parties. Those were the fakest that tears since Gretzky decided not to kill his own deal to LA. And it’s about fucking time one of these bullshit networks added some youth and color to their shows whit and armdog are awesome. You’re probably 55 or older and just a miserable and uneducated cuss the game will be better without you!