The Morning After Blog: *Lightly Farts*


Don’t worry….about a thing…because every little thing’s… gonna be alright….

Calgary has one more win than us.



Gener’s gonna Gene:

Should have arrested Remenda goddammit, officers!! How puns are a felony and Drew Remenda’s nonsensical blabbing isn’t is straight up beyond me. The game was cursed from the beginning.

1st Period

Matty Ice is lining people into space:

He might be slower than Andy Sutton in wet concrete, but I’ll tell ya, Matty Ice can still lay ’em like it’s 2009.

If you would have called me after the first I’da told ya Daddy’d have maybe six or seven by the end of the night. He was all over the ice. In fact, that was the first time maybe all year I thought that Leon and the Rig couldn’t keep up with him. Probably should have had at least two in the first period alone. So naturally the Islanders struck first. Alarm clock hero and subtle fan of former Penguins Joshua Ho-Sang channeled his inner Mark Letestu and rifled home his first NHL goal on the power play.

1-0 Islanders

2nd Period

Psychopath to the rescue:

God I love that wildcard. And that goal gives us our ENS Impact Replay!

HELL YA! Been a while since I got to do one of these babies. What we haver here, Kenny, is Zack the Maniac taking his celebration to the next level by vigorously punching the innocent and unsuspecting air into orbit. The meticulous precision he applies to dicing that nitrogen/oxygen combo is cemented in his demonic, soulless eyes, and proudly on display for every Islanders player in the nearby area codes. And yes, we have witnessed this before:

Man do I ever love it when we let the Kass loose. Gets all the body particles going. Great play by Little Dave on the goal. He doesn’t show up on the scoresheet, but he made the whole play happen. Guy’s completely rejuvenated the third line.

Did I mention Connor was all over the map? He set up not one, not two, but THREE silver platter chances in the period, including this one, which might require the services of MythBusters to determine how it stayed out of the net:

It’s legitimately laughable to watch him with the puck. FOUR Islanders smothered him and he still managed to both escape the pressure and feed the Big Rig for a wide open touchdown. However, a higher being is currently upset with something I’ve done, given that: Calgary’s won seven straight, Micheal Ferland is scoring in every game, and Daddy’s articulate feed right on the Big Rig’s tape in front of an open cage flew to like maybe the sixth row instead. Oh, and then wannabe Swede Anders Lee went down the ice and immediately scored.

2-1 Islanders

3rd Period

The Oilers had a power play. They fired 53 shots at the net. Every one was blocked. The power play ended, and Andrew Ladd scored five seconds later, because of course he fucking did.

The goal looked like it deflated the squad, except Connor, who stayed out there for I think four straight minutes at the end of the period trying to claw his team back into it. But Dougie’s Islanders added an empty netter, and our brief two game winning streak came to a close.

4-1 Islanders

Final Thoughts

Anaheim came back down 3-1 to beat TP’s goddamn stupid idiot Preds. Figures. Higher powers, guys. I swear.

No McPoints even though he should have had like maybe eight, but we did get a Matty Vegas point. St. Albert forever.

Honestly, Connor looked next level last night. As I mentioned, it was the first time I think all year that even Leon and the Big Rig looked like they couldn’t keep up. He’s a god amongst mortals.

Our second unit power play gives me aids.

Fun fact for the day: The Islanders had eight giveaways, the Oilers had 17.

Lucic played 15 minutes and went dash 1 while failing to register a hit or a shot. Contributed about as much as I did from my living room couch, except Media Strike paid me 81¢, and the Oilers pay him $97,561 per game.

Hottest Tweet of the Night

Oh man we got a lot. All the talk about Matthews this year has made people forget who Connor’s true subordinate actually is: Jack. Well, the Prince of Buffalo had three points yesterday, and a lot of people started to say some crazy shit:

“Fits our city” might actually be funnier than the “Auston Matthews is better because heavy” juxtaposition. God that’s gold. Yea, McPapi is an ice-carving, defenseman-crucifying, lightning fast mutant from outer space, but Jack is more Buffalo; scores goals *sniffs butt*.

Annnnnd the mothership:

The need to clarify what the McSucks stood for is legit a masterpiece. And it’s “Jeff,” you peasant. Your name is spelled “Jeff.”

If the game were a song…

Give it Away” – RHCP

Can’t have that many giveaways and expect to win a game. Also, threw away about eight or nine quality chances. Whatever. Pittsburgh on Friday.


Daddy. Not even defacto-ing it here. Should have had 15, but nobody could keep up. Played 24 minutes. Was legit all over the place. But Jack has as many points in three more games since a random date at the end of November, so.


The Maniac threw five shots on goal in 11 minutes of ice time. Laid the body a few times, deflected home our only goal by providing a screen in the tough area. Gator would be proud.


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