Century Chasers: Oilers @ Canucks

Two shots at 100 tonight. If we can manage just one point against the 29th place Canucks, the Oil will pick up 100 points for the first time since the 1986-87 season. If Connor can pick up three points against the 29th place Canucks, he too will hit 100 points. The Canucks are bad. They have 69 points.


Haven’t heard of any changes so let’s assume the boys are rolling the same lineup as the Sharks game into the poor man’s Roger’s Place.

Tonight’s Opponent

VANCOUVER! God, I’m so happy it’s Vancouver. Not sure what we did to deserve two warm up scrimmages before the playoffs but after years of dealing with shit like this, we’ll take it. Remember this?:

Schneider went on to explain that the Canucks are hated because they’re a good team and it simply comes with the territory. He then added, “Nobody cares about Edmonton so nobody hates them. It’s that simple.”

Why They Stink

Oh how times change. It feels like just yesterday I was watching the Canucks claim the Clarence S. Campbell Trophy while the Oil sat on their second straight lottery championship. Now look!:

Last time we saw a power shift of this magnitude was season five of Friday Night Lights, when years of poor scouting finally caught up to the usually dominant Dillion Panthers and Vince Howard’s East Dillion Lions waltzed in and ran up the score by like 1,000.

If you’re wondering how Vancouver gradually plummeted down the NHL standings look no further than these five names: Patrick White, Cody Hodgson, Jordan Schroeder, Nicklas Jenson and Brendan Gaunce. Those were all of Vancouver’s first round picks between 2007 and 2012. That doesn’t even include first ballot bust of famers Hunter Shinkaruk (2013), Jared McCann (2014) and the antichrist himself: Jake Virtanen (also 2014, because Vancouver). They didn’t even take the best London Knight available in last year’s draft. Who would have guessed this magnificent era of bust would somehow cripple the growth of what was quite recently a perennial Presidents’ Trophy threat? Meanwhile, their star players aged like Macaulay Culkin. They traded away two franchise goaltenders for virtually nothing and Bo Horvat. Speaking of Bo, he’s doomed.

And nobody deserves this more than Canucks fans. Those cocky, arrogant, mouth-breathing, recently-disappearing imbeciles who were the first to give up their season tickets when they realized the Titanic was sinking. You could see our decade of doom coming from the moment we gave Sheldon Souray a billion dollars and where did Oil fans go? To their goddamn seats. Yep. We sat through all the pain, all the suffering, all the torture. The moment Vancouver caught a whiff of the nuclear fart their organization had been pinching in for nearly a decade everybody got in their Ferraris, threw their season seats out the window and drove to the nearest Cactus Club, in the pouring fucking rain.




Which Canuck Sucks

Jake Virtanen. Cake eater. The Micheal Ferland of Utica, minus the industrial-sized horseshoe stuffed all the way up his ass. Poor Jake’s sitting on 18 points in 60 games down in the A.

The Roundup

I’ll give these basement livers credit, they’ve played us tough this year. Ryan Miller’s approximately 1,800-1-1 against the Oilers in his career. And Brock Boeser’s actually had a pretty good start too his career.


The Oil can still clinch the division, Connor’s currently playing the best hockey I’ve ever watched, the Iceman is comething from all parts of the globe, big Daddy Looch hath awoken, little baby Nuge even looks like a large fragment of his old self, Kassian is a lunatic, the defense isn’t imploding, friggin Todd is coaching his friggin butt off, and Vancouver fucking blows. Let the bloodbath begin.


7-1 Oilers. Connor’s three away from a Robert Borden. He gets five. Only 6 more period until the playoffs. Let’s gooooo.


PS – I have it from an unfortunately decent source that game one is going on Wednesday. Missed a great opportunity to see what this city would do if they gave us our first playoff game in a decade on the Thursday before a national holiday. Anyways. Mentally prepare, Edmonton. Playoffs are coming.

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