Pray For San Jose: Sharks @ Oilers

Live look at SharksHQ:

I thought Daddy was flying in game one. I also thought 19 and 29 did him no favours at all. By the third it was literally just el Capitan rushing it up the ice by himself, literally shredding through Sharks defenseman and single-handedly making Martin Jones make all two or three of his only saves in the final 40.

Now he’s skating out there with the healthies to get a couple more reps in? Oh my god the entire Bay area is so doomed. Imagine Tom Brady taking first and second team reps for New England? Imagine Mike Trout taking BP on scheduled off days? Terrifying, that’s right. No days off for Daddy. Not good news for the Sharks. You see, now Connor’s had one full game to scope their defense mechanisms. One full game to learn their tricks and traits. And we lost that game by one. They didn’t blow us out. They barely contained 97. And now they’ve shown their cards. Tonight is our game. Let’s even this shit up.

Lineup

Matty Vegas. Playoff debut.

And you better goddamn believe it’s Tony Time in the Rog Mahal.

Players At High Risk of Being Connor’d

Ranked in order of “Most likely to retire after the series”:

  • Marc-Edouard Vlasic

Will probably face Daddy the most this evening, drastically increasing his chances of being put into an early retirement home.

  • David Schlemko

Was easily the worst Shark on the ice in game one. Picture Connor getting out there against David fucking Schlemko. Last goddamn change, Todd!

  • Martin Jones

Jones successfully saved 2 of 2 against Connor in game one. Connor had four goals on 15 shots against Jones this year. That means he scores on about one out of every four shots he takes against the Sharks tendy.

 

The Roundup

Oh, check its out. More orange at the Rog Mahal!

Still unclear how that solves the million mile washroom lines.

The average human bladder can hold about 400 to 600 milliliters of urine at a time. Since the average person produces about 1,500 ml of urine every 24 hours, it takes about nine or 10 hours before you really have to drain the hose. However, we all know what the moonshakers do to our bladders. Folks, get your pisses out of the way before you start slugging back $12 cold ones and that’s just super obvious. The lineups are actual death. Avoid at all costs.

Prediction

There’s no chance McJesus loses on Good Friday. 5-2 Oilers. Connor gets his first career playoff goal and adds two more assists. Timo Meier gets bulldozed by Big Daddy Looch. Kassian leads the team in hits and smelling salt rips. 8:30 start on a holiday Friday so try to save some consciousness for puck drop, Edmonton. Series tied a one by midnight. Let’s go.

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