The Return to the Rog: Sharks @ Oilers

Apologies for the delay. Actually, just kidding, I don’t care. Welcome home, boys.

Anybody remember that dick-kicking we took on Tuesday? Me neither. Short memory syndrome. Let’s go kill some Sharks.


New first line! the Big Rig has been noticeably abysmal through four games, so he slides down to what one can assume would be the reincarnation of the bash bros. Kass and the Rig together, as they should be, like Donny and Marie Osmond on the goddamn Flamingo. I like to imagine the Rig walking into the dressing room tonight like Dean Portman in D3, and Kass (Fulton Reed) being more thrilled than Jesse Puljujarvi at the Pizza Hut lunchtime buffet. They’re going to bash skulls tonight.


El Rig’s demotion paves the way for Drake Caggiula to jump onto the first line. He’s fast enough to keep up with Daddy, and I’ll be honest, it couldn’t possibly get worse than having the NHL’s leading scorer be held to 0 postseason even strength points. That’s rough. Know what isn’t rough? Draisailt’s desire to spear your nuts off. Keep your head on a swivel, Tierney. Idiot.

The 18M line has been nonexistent from an offensive perspective, which isn’t unusual. But they’re successfully taken Pavelski and Burns out of the equation at the Rog all series. They’ll step their shit up tonight.

The fourth line is all the eye chlamydia, but with Tony Time heading to their rescue, it should be slightly less painful than a self-performed root canal.

Lol of the Day

Karma is one massive bitch slap directly to a frost-bitten cheek on a cold winter day:

Oh was the ice was wet Ryan can you tweet about this because they complained about skating in the dark with no nets like literal peasants? NARCS. Snitches get stitches. The Bash Bros line. Let’s go,

The Roundup

Nice playoffs, Calgary!

Two other things:

One: We’re absolutely not losing on 420. I don’t care about the weed laws in Cali. You think to NorCal pot heads were thinking about the Sharks today? No goddamn chance. Guarantee they had some asshole protest to attend. But I can damn well promise you that every Arts student at the U of A was stumbling around campus stoned off their goddamn marbles and absolutely draped in orange.

And two: There’s no fucking way we’re losing with Raffi in the house:

What’re the odds el Raffi went to the Concrete Jungle to pay his respects? A million percent?


Kassian’s two superpowers in the Rog at the same time? Ya. He’ll get two.

Connor finally erupts. And when I say erupts I don’t mean erupts as in the Leafs’ dart guy’s rise to fame. When I say “erupts” I literally mean what happens to your shit hole in the morning hours that follow a 2:30 a.m. post-bar all you can eat Indian buffet. Thoughts and fucking prayers, Vlasic. Connor with four. 6-2 Oilers. Back to the Tank on Saturday with a 3-2 series lead.

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