The Season Finale: Canucks @ Oilers

We all know what’s at stake.

Tonight, in the season 36 finale of your Edmonton Oilers, we have a chance at doing something no Oilers team has done since the 1986-87 season. Tonight, with an Oilers win (and an Anaheim loss to LA), the Edmonton Oilers would win their first division title in 30 years — one year after finishing 29th in the NHL, and two years after finishing an 82 games regular season with 62 fucking points. My Connor, we’ve come a long way.


FOUR years later, Dan!! Yes, teams are finally looking up and seeing the x- possibly y-Edmonton Oilers at the top of the standings. They’re guaranteed a top 10 finish. They’re guaranteed home ice. All thanks to this man:

And the Iceman, of course, who is getting a well-earned day off tonight. Speaking of that:


No clue, other than LB in the cage.

Daddy, Big Daddy, Big Rig, Leon, RNH, Ebs and Klefbom have all played 81 games. Let’s assume they’re all playing for 82. Might see a minor tweak here or there but other than that we shouldn’t expect much, especially with a potential first place banner and the right to emotionally pummel the city of Calgary for four straight games on the line.

Tonight’s Opponent

Vancouver. Two time riot champions. The sixth straight year we’ve finished the season against Vancouver. Feels a little different this time. Remember that one time Daniel Sedin grabbed a hat trick and they literally threw one hat on the ice? Big hockey market on the west coast. Draft lottery’s in a few days, fellas.

The Master’s leaderboard is all the fire right now (SERGIOOOOO) so I’ll make this one quick:

Rounding The Whole Goddamn Season Up, Let’s Go

Thanks to the Big Rig having hands like a semi, Daddy’s sitting two shy of a hundo heading into the final three periods. He’s also two assists shy of 70, and could potentially become the first player since Henrik Sedin in 2010-11 to reach the 70 assist plateau. Oh, and not lost in all this chasing points business is the fact that Connor’s on a 13 game point streak where the soon-to-be MVP has picked up a super casual 23 points — one shy of what Loui Eriksson has this entire season.

The Canucks paid that man $8 million USD this year. On October 15th, in his Canucks debut, he launched a bullet into his own net:


We call this foreshadowing. That’s not even the worst part. Have you seen them play? They’re like watching a Tim Burton movie on acid. These are the 12 forwards who dressed for the Canucks last evening:

What in this cruel and unholy world is a Griffen Molino? How have they played us so close all year? Anyways. I don’t want to speak to badly of them. Not on Willie Desjardins’ final day with a job. That’s bad karma. Back to us. Since we passed on the Morning After Blog today, but the Oilers Awards still need votes for the MOP and Gator’s Grinder of the Year, Daddy was the MOP and Big Daddy Looch was the GGG. Now then. Back to beating Vancouver for the second time in 48 hours.

These goddamn imbeciles. When they win, they care. When they lose, the light cars on fire and stop going to games. It’s amazing. When we start doing our collateral damage in approximately three days, let’s do our best not to be anything like them. Remember how terrible that looked? If you see people trying to ignite something like, oh, I don’t know, a trash can, or a street lamp, or a parked car, you have my permission to Kavis Reed them right in the mouth.


5-2 Oilers. Connor with a hatty. MVP chants erupt across Northern Alberta. Now give me all of the postseason.


PS – For about three hours tonight, we are all Kings. The City of Angels, baby. I want a first round BoA almost as bad as I want Daddy to be the only player with both 90 and 100 points this year. Make it happen. Let’s go LA.

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