This Is War, And We’re In Control: Oilers @ Ducks

Quick question: Does Magoo ever change into regular clothes? Quick answer:

Didn’t have to think twice. He showers in his superfan costume. He brushes his teeth in his superfan costume. Magoo wearing his superfan outfit beside Mrs. Magoo in bed every single night was a bigger guarantee than Corey Perry trying to fight Drake Caggiula at some point this series.

The boys strutted into the Pond on Wednesday and casually stormed to a five goal outburst and a game one W. The Ducks, predictably, lost their cool afterwards and tried to fight all the Oilers regular heavyweights such as the aforementioned Caggiula and Rejy “Ivan Drago” Sekera. This is the Ducks nominee for the Mark Messier Leadership Award trying to intimidate a 30-year-old from Bounce, Czechoslovakia:

Rejy just out there laughing in Getz’s kitchen, ugh, hell ya. Game two baby. Let’s go!


Boys will be rolling the same unit as Wednesday night’s victory. However, some bad news was confirmed today:

Yes, A-1 pylon Kevin Bieksa, who has all his knee muscles in tact and is still light speeds slower than Joe Thornton, will miss tonight’s game. Which means:

Ugh. Imagine taking out arguably the worst defenseman in the Western Conference and replacing him with Sami Vatanen? Shit. Of course, there’s always the chance that Vatanen can’t go tonight, and Korbinian Holzer is forced to draw in. Then only the linesman need to worry about Anaheim’s defense.

Why We’re Coming Home Up 2-OH!

The Pond was covered in Oil on Wednesday and I expect much of the same tonight. I’m flying home (sad!) but almost every Oilers fan I talked to said they’re sticking around for tonight’s tilt (and also I’m craving a Rog Mahal dance party, not sad!)

Also, it’s home ice goddamn advantage for the boys inside Anaheim’s barn. And for the 10,000 or so Ducks fans that are actually there it’s a terrible look to allow Oilers fans to emasculate you the way we did on Wednesday. We were sitting right below a suite full of Ducks fans and they started throwing popcorn at us after we scored our third goal. That’s it. They also asked us why we don’t just stay in our own city to watch them. Uhm, because we’re fucking fans, that’s why? Because it’s a billion dollars to go watch the boys beat you idiots at the Rog Mahal and we paid $120 for row 17 tickets at your Disney Land of a barn. Why don’t you actually try watching your own team in your own city, before you start mouthing off other fans for travelling to watch their boys play the game?

I think we talk a lot about how Ducks fans don’t know anything about hockey and though that’s a stereotype that’s fairly well earned we don’t usually interact with these imbeciles because hardly anybody has ever met one in person. Well I’m here to tell you that there might not be a more deserving stereotype in the world that Ducks fans being completely hockey incompetent. They don’t know SHIT about the game of hockey. I’ve never listened to 11,000 fans collectively get fired up about a regular breakout or an onside play like the OC faithful. When we celebrated our, like, first goal, I think a Ducks fan told us to act like we’ve been here before. Uhm… Pardon? What? It’s been 11 goddamn years, we literally haven’t been here before. Congrats on attending your first ever hockey game.

And there were STILL more Ducks fans at the Pond on Wednesday than there were Sens fans in Kanata yesterday!! Jesus Christ, Ottawa. 2,000 empty seats at the Canadian fucking Tire Centre for game one of the second round against King Hank and the Blueshirts. Relocate, you idiots. Any question of who Canada’s team currently is?


I have this feeling in my locker that the floodgates are about to explode. Connor has one playoff game against the Ducks under his belt  and the fellas could easily blow this series open so long as Anaheim’s discipline ceases to exist. And that’s where we’re at. The final seconds of game one showed Anaheim’s true colours.

And I haven’t even touched on the fact that its basically a home game for the boys. Apparently you could hear us chanting during Randy’s presser after the game. The Edmonton way, baby. Can’t have other team’s head coaches talking about x’s and o’s without letting them know who their daddy is. This is OUR series, Edmonton. 6-2 Oilers. Daddy with four. Let ’em fucking rip.


PS – Shoutout to the B19 Rig boys. These guys were electric to fire back with. Got a rockin’ “Let’s go Oilers” chant going at JT Schmid’s across from the Pond on Wednesday, before the game started. Just a bunch of great bros who love the Rig and the Oil and wanted nothing more than to fully submerge themselves in one after an Oil W. Buy a goddamn shirt.

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