Fire in the goddamn hole!!! FIRE!!!!! SO MUCH FIRE!!!!!


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What’s good, Edmonton? First of all, shoutout to Hank for covering my arse the last few days. My man. I knew these last few days were going to be a pretty busy for myself so I figured, hey, I don’t pay Hank nothing for nothing amiright? But as always, he stepped up to the plate for the team. I actually wasn’t planning on writing about this until the sister of my girlfriend, Kailey, essentially demanded that I do so, and she watches like maybe four hockey games a year. So when someone like Kailey basically demands I say something for the People’s Republic of ENS then dammit I’m putting the blog pants* on and getting to work. (*sweats).

All of Oil Country has basically come to realize that sometimes, life peppers your face with lemons. We dealt with it for 10 years. We dealt with it all series. We’ll probably always have to deal with it in at least some capacity between now and the last day we breathe “Oilers Forever.” But as my man Kunu from Forgetting Sarah Marshall once said:

Or in this case, “Fuck the lemons, and let’s go beat the shit out of the Ducks.” And oh boy, did we ever slaughter them whole. The fellas unloaded a C-5M Super Galaxy of goals all over their big dumb idiot faces last night, and I was standing in the sea of orange telling every single Ducks player – past, future and present – where to stick their damn laundry. It was magical, guys. Magical. You realize how long it’s been since I used that? Christ. This was ONE fucking year ago:

Now… I’m not even sure I can describe now. The present feels so surreal. The feelings. The emotions. The ride. The energy. It’s all real. It’s all alive. This city is BACK. All you have to do is look at Kass’s face in the title photo. That’s the face of a man that’s been through some shit. That’s the face of the man that wants nothing more than to decimate a carton of darts with his boys after an era-defining series victory while the fan base he truly bleeds for celebrates like Neanderthals on 104th Ave. He’s literally the jaw drop emoji:

What a perfect avatar for last night’s game – Kassian’s reaction. Actually, it was that entire sequence of events really. Normally the three goal lead is the worst lead in Edmonton but something about that particular play made me feel all warm and safe and fuzzy and just gave me the general sense that we we’re going to stick 20 skaters and Randy Carlyle into 21 separate body bags. One more time, because goddammit we’ve earned it:

I can honestly tell you this was the very moment that I realized we were headed back to Anaheim. The goal, celly, the look, the fact that his mouth is eerily similar to the gaping hole between John Gibson’s legs. It all came together at the most perfect moment possible… Eight minutes into the hockey game, and literally moments after Randy burned up his timeout. Good one, Randy!! Good one!!!! Live look at Edmonton the moment that timeout went on a one way trip to Backfire City:

On a night where Jesse celebrated his 19th birthday, we added both another #KassFace to our ever-growing collection, AND another edition of my favourite time: #TonyTime. Other than the day we landed C-Daddy, who I haven’t even mentioned in a blog about a 7-1 annihilation, last night might have honestly been the greatest day in ENS history. Right up there with that one time Yak might have scored two.

I mentioned Connor. Funny: The team who was said to have been unable to win without Connor hammered the Ducks harder than Dirty Mike and the Boys hammered Detective Allen Gamble’s Prius.


I get all the feels when Connor torches defensemen into retirement but dammit how good does it feel to have the rest of the boys absolutely cremate a 105 point hockey team in a must win game without begging for Connor to score a dozen on his own? Instead, it was the Burnin’ German picking up a casual five points, and Mark the power play Spark adding to his special teams resume with four points, and Cam the Iceman Talbot making 30+ saves for like the billionth time this postseason. Regardless of what happens on Wednesday, I’m so damn proud of these boys. Beyond stoked for game seven. Let’s go Oilers.

PS – This actually should have been a blog of its own and I promise you that I’ll never not blog a Jesse birthday again, but for reals, happy birthday to the Lord of Smiles, the destroyer of all things pizza, and the one who does all the fucking: Jesse Puljujarvi. First pie’s on me when you get home.


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