Morning After Blog: The Series Is Tied At 2

Alright. I’ve Tony Slept on it, and you know what? The sun came up this morning. It’s a gorgeous day in Edmonton. And the series is still tied at two against a team that finished ahead of us in the standings. This is far from over, people. Let’s go.

1st Period

The boys came out roaring. We also took two penalties right off the hop, despite the best effort of our white gloves, but that didn’t matter. The fellas were in complete control. This was the play, the very moment, that I pictured us finishing the Ducks in an unprecedented 3-1 series win:

Matty Vegas knocking the already windless sails out of Corey Perry’s $10 million lungs. And needless to say I was glad an Anaheim bench penalty was the prelude to our first goal of the game:

Looch out there doing his best not Jordan Eberle impression. Then… el Captain. Ever wonder what it looks like watching Shea Theodore attempt to cover a Drai-Daddy 2-on-1? Well wonder no longer:

A near-disaster-turned-McBoner like you read about. Just a dominating first. Things are going good. Yay. Sports.

Christ.

This one really sucks to write, I won’t lie to you, Edmonton.

2-0 Oilers

2nd Period

The Ducks scored. Corey Perry obstructed Cam’s blocker. We challenged. It counted.

The Ducks scored. They were offside. We had no challenges left. It counted.

The Ducks scored. Nuge got humiliated by Ryan Getzlaf in front of the net. It goddamn counted.

3-2 Ducks

3rd Period

The conclusion of this hockey game was nearly identical to the Red Wedding. It starts off all happy, you’re thrilled that everything is finally working out for Rob Stark. He’s happily married to the love of his life, he’s about to become a father, he’s finally mastering a plan that could defeat the Lannisters then BAM!!! Everybody you love is dead!! Here’s Caggiula’s goal, because I called him out in the pre game blog, and because if you can muster even a little increase in oxytocin from reliving this play one more time, then I’m happy to help. Remember, for one moment, everything felt so damn good:

OT…ah, fuck it

Final Thoughts

The Iceman comething with a little fire, I see:

LOVE that emotion. Johnny Flopson at the other end looking like he needs a “slippery when wet” sign around his crease, dropping at the faintest sniff of a fart at or near the Anaheim zone. Meanwhile, our good Canadian kid is out here trying to play the game the right way. That’s what we do. Kesler couldn’t spell ‘integrity’ with a dictionary.

Jordan Eberle… wooooooof. Finally ate some pine after about his 92nd straight shit performance. Somebody please for the love of God change the clocks to Tony Time on line deuce.

The NHL coming in hot with this lava fire, turbo concise statement as to why Anaheim’s first goal was allowed:

Oh, thanks guys! Really cleared that whole kerfuffle up!

And of course, it wouldn’t be a day of Oilers fans uniting together on social media without Jim Matheson and Mark Spector coming in fuego from the back seats:

I swear to anything their jobs are straight up to shit all over our parades. How DARE Oilers fans express their feelings on a social media platform!! Blasphemy. Perpetually crucifying Taylor Hall on a semi-daily basis a casual 11 months after we traded the guy isn’t a good look either, Spec.

Was Jimmy Hot Takes a little bit into the sauce during that tweet? My god. Jameis Winston wants his English back.

Jim Matheson has to retire soon, right? I swear to God he’s 100. Guy’s been writing for the Oil since practically the fucking WHA era. Years from now, in a 5-1 loss to Dallas, Drew Stafford will pick up a 2nd assist on his team’s only goal, and Jimmy Hot Takes will chime in with Stafford boners, all the way from his retirement home in Rio Rancho.

So. Now for that elephant in the room. Look… I am not, have not, and will never be that guy who pins a game on a set of officials. Despite the universal belief, a ref is not out to get your favourite team, at least not unless his or her name is Tim Donaghy. They don’t have “league favourites” and the league isn’t mandating they blatantly screw one team for the benefit of another, so put your irrational conspiracies to bed. HOWEVER, that’s not an excuse for piss-poor officiating. Refs can still be 3 a.m. diarrhoea even if their obliviousness doesn’t have a quantifiable impact on the outcome of a game. Anaheim’s first goal was textbook goaltender interference. I know it. You know it. We all know it, except the only person whose opinion on the subject actually fucking mattered. Does it suck? It sure as hell does. But it’s on the boys to respond after a gut-wrenching call goes against them. The zebras had no control over Jordan Eberle’s mega soft turnover. Still, despite what Spec and Jimmy Neutron think, it’s more than alright to be frustrated with the officials. These are the playoffs, if you don’t scream at a ref Jackie Moon style at least once during the postseason you’re doing it wrong.

Oh, and the linesmen aren’t safe either. Case and point:

Ol’ Hank was not to thrilled about this one. I think all five players thought the play was about to be dead. Still, that’s no excuse for Larsson to dish a medium two topper with a side of curly fries right on Getzlaf’s doorstep. However, naturally don’t wave an icing off after the puck sails by the hash marks.

I don’t actually fault the officials on the offside goal. Every couch official at home had no idea that play was offside until Sportsnet broke it down frame-by-frame so we could see Perry’s skate come off the ice literally milliseconds before the zone entry. It does kind of stink that we lost our challenge on a rather dick pulverizing call against, thus forbidding us from using it again on this play, as the NHL so kindly mentioned in their well-worded statement above.

Ugh.

Of course Ryan Getzlaf had four points. Guy was invisible for 60 games this season and now all of a sudden he’s 2009 Getzlaf reincarnated into an older, balder version of his former self. I hate it.

Oilers in goddamn 6 let’s go.

Hottest Tweet of the Night

I mean… Ducks fans are the epitome of blatant incompetence. Maybe it looked bogus because the call was for using your hand off a draw, Andrew. My god. I can’t do this right now. Learn fucking hockey.

If the game were a song…

“Hurt” – Johnny Cash

3rd Star

Talbot. 36 saves.

2nd Star

Draisaitl. Two points.

1st Star

Daddy. Was Daddy.

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