ENS Headlines 06/12/17

That’s a wrap, folks. The Pittsburgh Penguins are your 2016-17 Stanley Cup champions. Live look at Teeps:

That’s Pittsburgh’s fifth Cup in franchise history, tying our Oilers as the most Cups ever by a post-original six franchise. Balls. They’re also now one win away from tying the Steelers for the most championships in the city of Pittsburgh, and have finally caught up to the Pirates, who haven’t won a title since 1979.

And of course, Sid won the Conn Smythe — his second in 12 months. Jesus Christ that’s good. Out there collecting hardware. Part of me is like ah, shit, I really wanted Nashville to win because Teeps and because their locals are just extremely awesome. But then on the other hand, I’m happy that all the mouth breathing brain dumpsters who think Toews is anywhere near Crosby’s level will finally shut their dumb yaps a bit. Their only argument until this moment was pointing to Stanley Cups and now they can’t even use that. Good riddance. What an irrationally stupid thing to think. Also, I’m happy for Philly Cheeseburgers. Nice guy, tries hard, loves the game. Suck it, Randy. Suck it.

One-Timers

Up next is Connor collecting his first of many Hart Trophies.

Crosby now has three Stanley Cups. That’s one less than Gretzky, and one more than Lemieux. Never forget:

Shotgun to the dick, Vice. Sid’s only collected a pair of Cups and Conn Smythes since that blog was published. Ho-hum.

TFW you realize Jultz now has two Stanley Cups:

I had a raging chub thinking about Connor lifting Stanley in front of the Rog faithful in the extremely near future.

Shania was absolutely GASSED!!!!

Christ do I ever love it. All hopped up on goofballs and mountain dew. Just up there loving Hockey Night in Canada while completely covered in sauce and concealing them foggy eyes with some indoor shades action. That’s a good Canadian girl right there. New album on the way for the first time in like 15 years and Shania’s already celebrating by being 35 football fields in one on a casual Sunday. IT’S HOCKEY NIGHT IN CANADA, IT’S AMAZING!!* (*happens at minimum once a week).

As mentioned, next up is the expansion draft. I hate doing mock stuff but I’ll probably do a mock expansion draft sometime this week. I’ll definitely look at who the Oil will potentially lose to my soon-to-be division rival as well.

LOTS of Vegas love for the Oilers:

They gave us the same odds as Chicago and Washington (!!!!!) oh my god remember TWO years ago when Ben Scrivens gave us 57 games hahahahahaha Daddddddddddyyyyyy.

Golden State lost game four on the NBA finals, exactly as I predicated on Friday. Game five is in Oakland tonight. Whatever. LeBron stinks.

Rumours out of Chicago are starting to swirl about the possibility of the Hawks moving one of their core pieces at or around the draft. Let’s assume it’s not Toews or Kane because that’d be incredibly stupid. And with Darling being dealt to Carolina, we can assume Crawford isn’t being moved as well. That leave sKeith or Seabrook. Seabrook is the logical choice for Chicago to deal. He’s 32. He makes so much monies. And he’s really not that great anymore. Somebody will probably be stupid enough to take that contract off Stan’s hands. Every night, before I go to sleep, I pray that isn’t us.

Calgary has allegedly zoned in on Anti Raanta as the goalie Connor will torture for 4-5 games per year.

Speaking of those imbeciles, Calgary teased a preview of their Adidas tarps for next year, and SURPRISE, they aren’t retros:

As you can expect, this went swimmingly with the fan base:

It boggles my mind that they’re content with this level of nincompoopery. Just blatantly disregarding everything the fan base has ever wished for. And this is a fan base that is literally willing to stick the club in a t-shirt cannon and blast them to Quebec City instead of spending a dime of public money on a new facility. I mean, Christ. Even fans of other teams know that’s the only logical option for this team. Their current jerseys are easily some of the worst in the entire show, and now it looks like they’re bringing back at least the majority of them for next season. What’re the odds they keep those stupid flags on the shoulders? One million percent?

And yes, every team sneaked in the same teaser template this morning, including the boys:

But we know they’re teasing the new tarps and not just a clip of what each team is currently wearing, as demonstrated by the Minnesota Wild:

That’s a good sign for Minny. Means those hideous red sweaters will finally be retired next year.

One more jersey tease comes from our newest divisional punching bag, the Vegas Golden Knights:

I’m actually impressed and considerably pleased that they’re not wearing black as their primary colour. Black is so generic. Yak will look so damn slick in those threads next year. Good for Vegas.

This is pure gold:

And then there’s this goddamn guy:

*Gave the league three lockouts and worked like hell to make sure we don’t go to the Olympics. Nashville is a hockey town, Ken. They get it. You clearly don’t.

In a little three-down preseason action, the ‘Skos fell short of Calgary in a thrilling 36-35 game in front of 26K at the CWS last evening. The offense looks electric. Former Cal quarterback Zack Kline launched a 90 yard TD on his first CFL pass, Jumbo Jimmy Franklin went 8/12 for 188, and two receivers had over 100 yards, but it wasn’t enough to get the job done. Need to spice up that defense for the regular season.

This Day in Oilers History

June 12, 2006:

Game 4 of the Stanley Cup Finals against the Carolina Hurricanes. Sergei Samsonov got the boys on the board first, but then Cory Stillman and Mark Recchi would respond for Carolina, and ultimately steal game 4 by a score of 2-1 at the Concrete Jungle. Carolina would take a 3-1 series lead back home, teeing up what would have been one of the greatest comebacks in Finals history had it not been for all of game 7.

Remember that Oiler?

Mike Bishai. Good Edmonton boy. That name probably doesn’t ring a bell, unless of course, you remember one of the greatest NHL line brawls of our generation:

 

Yup, Mike Bishai was the one throwing haymakers at Serge Aubin while inside the future Winnipeg bench. I can’t tell you one other thing the guy did in his 14 game Oiler career, but that was wicked.

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