Professional Goal Allower Mike Smith Jabs ‘Yotes On His Way Out The Door

It’s been quiet on the Mike Smith front lately; a norm for the netminder, who is known for his calm, meditative personality.

But yesterday, Calgary’s highly anticipated consolation prize made sure he took one massive swing to the jibs at his former team on his way out the door. Here’s the Mike Smith we’ve known and despised, back to work calling everyone else out for his unprecedented ability to lose hockey games:

“I’m really looking forward to passing to some of these guys that can actually score,” Smith said on SportsNet 960 The Fan, a Calgary radio station. Smith was appearing on The Big Show with his new teammate Travis Hamonic.

After the remark, Smith joked, “Did I say that on live radio?”

What a guy, man. Without question the most cocky third choice in the history of humankind. It’s a known fact that the Flames took a swing for both Ben Bishop and Marc-Andre Fleury first, both of which refused to waive their no trades for Calgary, the former opting instead to play for the worst defensive team ever assembled, and the later opting to rather play for an expansion team filled with misfits and outcasts and James Neal. So they landed Mike Smith: The 35-year-old literal fucking asshole who hasn’t registered a GAA under 2.60 in four straight seasons, bashes those around him on a regular basis, and tears his MCL at the whiff of a fart. And this same guy takes an Aaron Judge cut at his former teammates, the likes of which were assembled by a team that basically has the payroll of a strip mall Carl’s Jr. Mike Smith was so bad and so unwanted in Arizona that they traded him to Calgary for virtually nothing, and their broke asses still retained 25% of his salary. Think about that. The Coyotes can barely afford to pay their electricity bill and they were still willing to eat $1.42M of his salary for each of the remaining years on his contract, just so he could leave. And yet he still puts on his microphone tough guy hat the first time he steps in front of the Calgary media. Hell, who needs a player like Zack Kassian when Calgary has this bonafide muscle mouth like Mike Smith, taking people out with his words. I can sit here and tell you with the utmost certainty that, of all the goalies Calgary has rocked in the last decade — and there have been a whole shit plenty — I am rooting against this raging idiot the hardest, and I cannot wait to unleash the Connor on Smith in t-minus 99 days.