Days Until Opening Night: 48, Alex Plante

Today’s player: Alex Plante

First Round ASSET!

Anytime you’ve got a guy of that size who can move the puck and shoot the puck, he’s an asset to your organization.
– Kevin Prendergast on Alex Plante

God, that’s such an incredible quote. Prendergast, the architecture behind cornerstone franchise players such as Plante and Rob Schremp and Marc Pouliot and Jesse Niinimaki. You know Jesse played a whopping 24 games in North America? All of them for the long-defunct Edmonton Roadrunners during Bettman’s 2004-05 lockout. He had one point in 24 games. We drafted him 15th overall, just like Plante. I’m dumbfounded that we haven’t created a fictional job for the purpose of rehiring Kevin Prendergast. He could be Scott Howson’s advisor.

Career as an Oiler:

10 0 2 2 15 -1

The good news is that Plante played 10 more career games than Jesse Niinimaki ever played. The bad news is that two of Prendergast’s first round picks in five years played a grand total of 10 career games. Fuck Kevin Prendergast with Marc-Antoine Pouliot’s hyphenated name.

Fun fact: You can’t spell ‘Plante’ without ‘Planet,’ which is fitting, considering his size, and that it took him approximately 365 days to orbit around the ice.

Where is he now?

Original, unconfirmed rumours had him managing an Arby’s but we can now confirm that Plante has acquired his South Korean citizenship and will play for the South Korean National Team in the 2018 Olympics. South Korea is playing in Canada’s division for the upcoming games. Think about that. Gary Bettman cost us the opportunity of watching Connor McDavid and Sidney Crosby match up against Alex Plante. I nearly rage punched my monitor just typing that sentence.

Did you know?

Jesse Niinimaki actually outlasted Alex Plante in the world of years played in relevant professional hockey leagues? Yup. Digest this knowing that after 15 years I’m still not convinced that Jesse Niinimaki was ever even a real fucking person. Guy stinks like the Finnish version of Lennay Kekua and he was still allegedly playing meaningful games of hockey while Plante was serving curly fries at the local Arby’s. According to HockeyDB, Jesse Niinimaki was still playing in the SM-liiga as late as 2014-15 (1 B.C.). I wish I was messing with you. The year before we drafted Connor, our biggest turd in our history of assquakes was still playing in one of the highest levels of hockey in the world.

Meanwhile, after registering a whopping 13 points in 53 games with Dornbirn HC of the Austria League in 2014, Plante wasted no time b-lining it straight for South Korea, where he’s remained invisible ever since.

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