Leon Draisaitl, 8 Years, $8.5 Million

And on the 47th day of Free Agency, the Pistol said: Let there be a Draisaitl contract.

Edmonton: For the next eight years, we’ll be blessed with having a front row seat for watching Connor and Leon make miracles happen on ice surfaces across North America. Calgary can trade for 32 Travis Hamonics or Dougie Hamiltons or shooter tutors for all I care, we’ve just signed two of the best players in hockey for the max amount of term possible.

Does it sting that we could have had Leon at about $3 or $4 million cheaper exactly one summer ago? You bet your nuts it does. But that’s the business we’re in. If we were to bridge Leon for two years and he were to very realistically put up 90+ points per year playing on an 8/1 Cup contending team then we’d be cornered into paying him $10M+ per year, or risk losing him for a return that wouldn’t be anywhere near the worth of Leon Draisaitl. Make no mistake about it, in three years when Connor and Leon are 23 and 24 respectively and are reigning down on Calgary and the other 29 teams like the hammer of fucking Thor, and we’ll be celebrating Cups at the magnificent Ice District while Calgary marches to perpetual 2nd place finishes in their outhouse of a Saddledome, we’ll look back at these contracts and realize that we still have at least five more years of these two blitzkrieging their way through the league together, in their early primes. What a goddamn treat.

And I know the negative rhetoric that’ll spew all over fan boards and Twitter feeds and Facebook comments, the ones that claim we’ll never be able to do anything productive so long as these two are locked up at a combined $21M. Ya!!! Farts!!!! How will we ever be able to build a competitive roster around two of the best forwards in hockey while they’re at the peaking ages of 21 and 20 years old?! What a TRAGEDY of a situation we find ourselves locked in!!! Oh we’re so screwed now that we don’t have $4.5 million lying around to throw at 31-year-olds like Troy Brouwer!!! How will we ever guide ourselves out of this shitfuckery?

I’ll tell you how: by having eight more years of this: