Flames Threaten Relocation Because City Won’t Give Billionaire Dickhead Owner Taxpayer Money

So this was hilariously déjà vu. Yesterday, Ken King issued a statement that claimed the Flames were no longer pursuing a new arena in Calgary. At almost the exact same time, Seattle announced plans to build a $600 million arena. You’ll recall that notorious crook and alleged hooker fanatic Daryl Katz once took a trip to Seattle with Gretzky and the boys just to show city council how good he is at bluffing his way into getting exactly what he wants. Now then, you probably don’t know the idiot Flames ownership structure as well as our infamous blabbering tycoon, but they are indeed co-owned by Norman Murray Edwards, one of Canada’s wealthiest individuals whose estimated net worth is hovering around $1.8 billion dollars, which puts him in the tres commas club. And much like our rich asshole owner, Edwards and King and co. were collectively looking to hijack Calgary’s city council into robbing taxpayers blind for what was essentially an oversized rec centre: a gigantic pile of steel and shit that would house both the Flames and the Stampeders, built on a literal flood ground. The CalgaryNext project would have cost an estimated $1.8 BILLION (with a B!!!), with taxpayers expected to cover two-thirds of it (so, let’s call it around $1.2 BILLION WITH A B of taxpayer money). For what it’s worth, the Atlanta Falcons brand new mecca-sized stadium which has a 360 degree scoreboard and literally looks like a mother fucking spaceship ran them around $1.6 billion USD, or about $1.9 billion CND. The Flames are shooting for that NFL money, which is basically the equivalent of Drake Caggiula asking for a Connor McDavid caliber raise. No chance, and good on Nenshi for telling them where to take their ridiculous proposal.

Now, like the spoiled criminal baby that he is, Ken King has apparently joined forces with another mouth breathing money guzzler, Gary Bettman – who is essentially Sepp Blatter minus the charm – to hollowly threaten Calgary into taking a deal that certifiably stuffs its citizens into financial hell hole, partially because the Saddledome is an architectural cesspit, and partially because they’re sick and tired of losing to us in practically everything these days. Grow up, Peter Pan. And Count Bettman. You move that team and I promise you there are 15 other teams including probably fucking Ottawa that are hammering on the door of that barn even despite the fact that it looks identical to Dustin Byfuglien’s seat cushion. Flames fans don’t deserve your bullshit, so grow up and deal with it, or put a deal on the table that is actually fair. Either way, I don’t care. Oilers by 7.