Morning After Blog: The One Where We Beat Calgary Twice, Part 2

You already know so let’s dig right into it:

1st Period

Recall: Calgary dressed this against us:

Might not have been the best idea.

RIGHT AWAY!!

A little over a toonie into the game and it’s Mark Letestu looking like he hasn’t missed a damn thing. Can’t even really blame that one on good Edmonton kid and former Park Crusader, Josh Healey, who stood helplessly in front as Eddie Lack kicked a floater right to the stick of Marky Mark. That puck moved at maybe six (6) miles per hour and Lack still wanted to boot it right back into play. Bill Peters just had a post-traumatic aneurysm. Love seeing Kass in front, distracting 9th year NHL hopeful Ty Wotherspoon. Fuck yes.

BANG!

BANG!

Ryan Strome scored his unofficial first as an Oiler by crashing the net and burying yet another Lack-caused loose puck. Daddy McPoint on the play. Next, it was Nuge winning a board battle (!!!!) and stuffing a weak one by Lack on the short side. Calgary’s goaltending was sensational on this night, by the way. Nothing like the starter and backup combining for 7 against. Iceman and LB combined for 1.

3-0 Oilers.

2nd Period

Not much going down except a trillion penalties and the Iceman robbing Morgan Klimchuk pointblank, twice.

Morgan Klimchuk was actually a Calgary first rounder back in ’13. Who is he?

Cam came out of the game after allowing no goals on 11 shots. Just a slightly better SV% than Mike Smith.

3-0 Oilers

3rd Period

PSA: Mark Letestu on the power play.

I know it looks like a 5-on-3 but it was really just a regular man advantage. Calgary’s system apparently just involves putting one of their forwards absolutely nowhere.

YOU ASKED FOR THIS:

I brought it up earlier, and yesterday, but man. What was Calgary thinking sending Brett Kulak and the boys up north to defend their honour against Connor? The man coasted his way to two points. Look at that defensive play up there. Just look at it. How many Flames extras does it take to cover a simple play? Rasmus Andersson, #54 on that shitery, was just standing at the top of the crease praying that the puck would hit his limp body. There’s #4, Ty Wotherspoon, at it again, this time trying the always bold move of trying to stick check Connor haha okay Ty, goddammit. And it was just a body-bagging day for the Hamitlon family. That’s Freddie in front, whiffing on the puck no less than three times before Strome buried it into the net. Comically awful. There are more useful bodies in the White House. Thank you, Calgary. We definitely didn’t need the added confidence but when the other team gives you a layup you always take the points.

5-2 Oilers, final.

Thoughts

You can pretend that it’s only preseason all you want, Calgary, but you know it stings. I’d be so butthurt if we lost two games in one night against our biggest rivals, but at least I’d be able to find tranquility in this:

No justice. No justice at all. That picture is the architectural equivalent of posting an Instagram photo that has you looking fine as hell but your friends look like they’ve been hit by 16 different trains in succession. Any Flames fan that tells you he or she doesn’t care about those games is a compulsive liar. You’re goddamn right they care. I always want to beat them, I don’t care what the circumstances are. Preseason, regular season, postseason. Who cares. I toss my controller in the trash when I lose to the Flames in Chel. Downplay it all you want, Calgary, but you and I both know how bad it stings. I hate you.

Connor McTwoPoints.

Rasmus Andersson sounded familiar, so I searched him in our media files and WOULDN’T YA KNOW IT?! Here is a younger Daryl Nurse, from a few years ago, punching the soul out of his body:

The Guinness Book of Unofficial Records record holder for most punches absorbed in a three second clip. Major props to Rasmus for not dying on that particular play.

Iceman cometh.

All about those little wins, ain’t that right?

Yep. Doing work. Speaking of work, Calgary got punished, and Emily Poirier hit the post on what was a preposterously open net.

Also Sammy Pull Ups did something to his face:

What? I’m so confused. There’s no way that’s the same person as this guy:

That’s the Sam we know, that baby-face look of a boy who always looks like he’s struggling to perform a routine physical activity. Sam is not supposed to look like Justin Turner’s identical twin. What happened this summer? I hate it. Shave your beard.

Those white jerseys make me all hot and bothered. Oh god, they’re nice. Calgary, meanwhile, had a chance to rebrand that debacle of a uniform set this summer. They had a golden ticket to bring back the retros. That’s all they had to do. Instead, they stuck with their horizontal stripe pattern circa 2007 RBK Edge rebrand with fucking flags on their shoulders. Imagine a professor saying, “Hey bud, listen, I know you horribly bombed that test earlier, but I’ll forgive that and give you another chance, and I’ll even paperclip the answer key to the back!” but instead you decline and opt to keep that failed test because reasons? I’m not complaining. I’m happy they look like shit out there. Just another thing that’s better in Edmonton.

Calgary took 12 penalties so ya I’d say the NHL is working on slashes. No word yet on if Ryan Kesler will be allowed to bulldoze Cam Talbot in May.

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