OH MY GOD the Carolina Hurricanes are in town!!! Nothing puts butts in seats like when Jaccob Slavin and the boys from Raleigh invade the Rog Mahal for some preseason NHL hockey. I’m getting sweaty just thinking about it. Ugh.

Speaking of getting sweaty, we have some GREAT news about the lines today:



Going on a limb and saying this is the most excited I’ve been about a lineup in literally ever, dethroning the OG champ:

BAH GAWD, look at that mountain of flaming infested diapers. Quick, bring me back to the present day before the PTSD kicks in. Let’s look at this thing of epically epic beauty:

Me, looking at that first line:

It’s… it’s beautiful. Ugh. What a masterpiece. This must be how Russ Hanneman felt when he rebillionized himself. We got little buddy Kailer playing with power play assassin, Mark Letestu. Up above, we have the other little buddy Nuge playing between the new guys. That third line has a combined 937 points in 1,544 career games so whatever. Calgary’s third line has a guy who couldn’t make our team, an undrafted rookie, and a guy who can’t do a pull up. Next, we have last year’s Pacific Division’s second leading scorer leading the charge with his own crew.

And then… then, there’s the goddamn mothership.

Oh boy. Calling my doctor immediately if this bad boy lasts longer than four hours. This is better than Christmas. It’s a pretty well known fact that I’ve been pushing for this line since that big ol’ goof got up on the draft stage and said some English words that he knew in literally no particular grammatical order. And here it is. At last.


Note: It’s 4 with 83, not 2. Despite McJesus being on the roster, Sekera has not gone through a miraculously holy recovery. Would be pretty cool though. Also, looks like it’s Simpson and Fayne on the point.

The Iceman cometh.


Big Scott Darling fan so it sucks that his first game in a Canes uni has to be against the best roster the Oilers have dressed in eleventy billion years. Actually am genuinely pumped about watching two hockey teams dress basically their legitimate rosters.

What to Watch

I still haven’t forgiven you idiots for ’06. Quick, relocate to Seattle before Calgary gets there first.

Iceman cometh.

Kailer has had an incredible preseason thus far. Made it tough for Friggin Todd and the boys to send him back right away. Despite him having the preseason of a lifetime, I still think it makes way more sense to send him back to junior. One day, our top six will permanently have Daddy and Leon and the Pool Party and Kailer, and everything will be glorious.

Remember when Josh Jooris was battling for a spot in the Flames’ top 6? He’s buried on Carolina’s preseason fourth line now.

Everybody is playing tonight. That is awesome. I cannot wait to see who Saskatchewan doesn’t get to see in a few days  Those bums. Literally nobody will be playing there. Suck it, Chris Jones.

Jesse with 2.

NIne more days until the home opener. Inject it into my veins.

Seriously, can we go back to that 2012 lineup for one second?

Look, ma!! Look how far we’ve come!! Remember when we used to really stink? Say hola to the epitome of it all. That lineup should be enshrined in the Royal Alberta Museum. Tourists would come every day to see the exhibit titled, “This is why the NHL changed the draft lottery rules.” NONE of those defensemen are still in the NHL, and this was only five years ago. How was this allowed? What the fuck is a Bryan Rodney?? We should send Matt Henderson these six defensemen every time he has an aneurysm over a Kris Russell blocked shot.