SPLIT SQUAD NIGHT!!: Preseason Special Edition Double Game Day Blog

TFW hockey’s officially back:

Hello again. Welcome to the 2017-18 edition of ENS Oilers game day blogs, preseason edition. I’ll be doing condensed versions of our previews until October 4th when I let the dogs out and really get things going. But first, we preseason.

Tonight’s Opponent: Calgary, in Calgary

Half the boys have travelled down the QE2 to the ever-timeless Saddledome to take on what appears to be Calgary’s opening night roster.

We counter as such:

Lucic – Draisaitl – Caggiula
Khaira – Kelly – Yamamoto
Callahan – Malone – Rattie
Polei – Gambardella – Chase/Christoffer

Klefbom – Larsson
Simpson – Auvitu
Lowe – Paigin


Things to Watch:

I forgot we signed Keegan Lowe hahahahaha Jesus Christ.

Calgary’s six defensemen feature four NHL regulars, a 19-year-old who’s dressed in an NHL game, and their 2017 first round pick. Really dumping all their marbles in this basket. All we did was send down the Pacific Division’s second leading scorer from last year. I get that it’s a preseason game but this will be Leon’s first test.

BAH GAWD Luke Gazdic plays for the Flames. He’ll be on a line with Gary Hathaway and the #18 on Calgary’s 25-under-25 list.

Those hoping for a head-to-head matchup featuring last year’s Hart Trophy winner and last year’s Lady Byng winner will sadly have to wait another couple of weeks.

My personal nemesis Micheal Ferland is back on the first line.

Troy Brouwer was a big offseason splash for Calgary last summer. He’ll take his $4.5 million contract and his 25 points onto a line with 33-year-old rookie Mark Jankowski and something called Mangiapane.

Crack all you want at Milan Lucic for god knows all the reasons you have but the big guy makes only $1.5 million more than Troy Brouwer and he had 25 more points than him last year. No GM is immune to mistakes, even human mannequin Brad Treviling.

Little buddy Kailer gets his first taste of NHL blood in enemy territory against what is almost an exact replica of an NHL defense. I like his linemates. Get him comfortable with a couple boys with some NHL experience.

Future Flame Chris Kelly is making his Oilers PTO debut down south.

If the Saddledump doesn’t work out you can borrow our spare barn until January 1st.


Travis Hamonic lives to see another day as Calgary purposely avoids sending their four best defensemen up to face the Connor McTrain. Unfortunately for the City of Calgary, Mike Smith has arrived just in time to get lit into a billion different pieces. I predict Mike Smith will break just one stick tonight (half a game, so that’s basically his quota) and Leon will carry the boys to a 5-2 win. Kailer gets his first NHL preseason point.

Tonight’s Opponent: Calgary, in Edmonton

Brace yourselves.

Daddy is coming.

Our new look, revamped, 2017 edition of the Connor line now features newcomer Ryan Strome, brother of Connor’s best buddy, Dylan. This is what they’re going up against:

Listen. Connor’s playing approximately two preseason games. MAYBE three but in all likelihood it’s two. The last thing you want to do if you’re the Calgary Flames is give the man even more confidence than he already has. You want him to play two games at a level that’s not his Hart-caliber, defensemen slaughtering magnificence. You don’t want to feed fucking Brett Kulak et al against the only player who had triple digits last year. Yet they’re doing it anyways. I can’t wait to demolish them on October 4th.

Things to Watch:

They’re all dead.

Connor with 150,000.

This guy fucks:

My buddy Jesse came out ready to play this season and couldn’t wait to show off his brand new lexicon! Look at all those words!!!! POWER! SKILLS!!! I feel like a proud parent. Bring the beach clothes back, Edmonton, it’s officially Pool Party season again.

Iceman cometh.


Let’s GO!!!! Double Oilers game plus we get to listen to Jay and Dan cover it afterwards. Love it. Oil win 7-0 and take the Split Bowl by a combined score of 12-2. Daddy with 5. Magoo with 2 (signs).