Game Day Blog 6/82: I NEED A GODDAMN WIN, Oilers @ Blackhawks



I will not settle for bad anymore. No way Josè. As fans, we sat through too many bullshit losing seasons and shit-infested propaganda videos like Oil Change to accept anything less than general competence. It’s been almost 360 hours since our last win. It’s been almost 288 hours since our last LEAD. I’d really like to go a game where we’re not trailing before the goddamn anthem. I’d love to see us get a lead and maintain it, and dammit I don’t think that’s asking for much. Will somebody please step the hell up (unless it’s a pinch attempt, then stay the hell back) and make this happen?

Tonight’s Opponent: Chicago Blackhawks


Never forget that. One guy from that team still plays for the Oilers. It happened five years ago.

Their Record: 4-2-1, 9 points.

Our Record: 1-4-0, 2 points.


What do they have? Chicago has come out blazing. They’re the second highest scoring team in the NHL (only behind… wait for it, Toronto, of goddamn course). At the bottom of that totem pole, you’ll find our beloved Edmonton Oilers. We’ve scored a casual 11 goals in five games this year for an average of 2.2 per game, just slightly below Chicago’s 3.9 mark. Conversely, we’re giving up goals at a rather unsettling pace, where as Chicago has been rock solid in goal and on the blue line to start the 2017-18 campaign. Ugh. The paper matchup does not look like it favours our boys. Had to check my phone this morning to make sure it wasn’t 2013.

Anyways. Fuck the paper matchups. Historically, Oilers-Hawks games have been wide the hell open. Tons of scoring from both sides. That’s because our speed game usually matches up well against Chicago’s similar style of play. Both teams play for the throats and weaponize their goal scoring and speed to expose opposing teams. Hence, the score is usually in the neighbourhood of like 6-5. At the very least, one team scores 8. That’s the way I see this game playing out. I see it as our chance to reignite our offense and get some confidence going forward. And maybe, just maybe, the Iceman will return this evening. Oh, and something called Anton Forsberg will start in goal for the Hawks tonight:

Buddy has a career NHL GAA of 3.99 which could get you into Harvard. 2/1 odds he has the game of his career tonight and makes like eleventy trillion saves. Former Condor Jordan Oesterle will be on the blue line and we already know how bad he stinks.

The good news is, you will not recognize about half of this roster tonight. This is a franchise that has clearly peaked. They spent their money so unprecedentedly irresponsibly that it would make even your drunkest nights at the Pint look like a couch date with Netflix. They willingly paid these men a bazillion dollars until they’re all 190-years-old, or until they sporadically begin to retire… Marian. Brent Seabrook makes $9 million this year and $6.875 million until 2023-24 and there are rumours circulating that he’ll be a healthy scratch tonight. And surely, Jonathan Toews and his $10.5 million cap hit will never come back to stab them in all 20 of the major arteries while he continues to drops 55 points a year. Fuck these guys and their infinite outdoor games.

What do we have? Still no Leon as his injury has mysteriously started to make its way around the rumour mill in Edmonton. He is travelling with the team, however, as is Drake Caggiula and all seven of his 2016-17 goals. (note: I never thought I’d say this but I wish Drake would come back so that I don’t have to watch Iiro Pakarinen on the power play ever again, did not think it was possible for someone to be more useless with a mad advantage than Drake Caggiula but here we are). Here’s how the forwards will skate:

Be advised, this is game number five (5) for Kailer Yamamoto. I’m not going to lie, I was a little surprised to see him make the road trip. I thought he was feeling the pressure against Carolina. It looked like he was trying to do too much, or he was so focused about getting the play to McDavid that he completely abandoned the game that made him successful in the first place, and as a result his structure kind of went for hell.

Oh, Brad Malone is centering the third line. We suffer like two injuries and this is the kind of shit we’re left facing, but we should definitely continue to scapegoat Nuge right out of this town. Centre depth? More like WHO NEEDS THAT AMIRIGHT?!

Shut up.

Johan Auvitu will be playing his third straight game as Benning continues to be ill. I’ll be ill if I have to watch this dude and his fucking Graf skates for much longer. Talbot gets the start:

Faith runs like lava in this city, I’ll tell ya.

Did you know? The Wirtz family has owned and operated the Chicago Blackhawks since before your parents were probably born. They are the longest tenured ownership in the NHL, having owned and operated the Blackhawks under the watchful eyes of the late Bill Wirtz and now his son Rocky since 1954, a full 21 years longer than the next longest ownership tenure in the league. You know what else is a family-owned operation? North Korea.

Prediction: The Hawks got creamed by St. Louis last night, which explains why Forsberg is getting the start. For years, we watched our team lose to every back up in the league because nobody cared about the Oilers, and I’m not going to lie I kind of just figured that’s why Coach Q was starting this shooter tutor against us. That’s bad. This is how you know the PTSD is really kicking in.

The Oil have historically had this magical ability to play to the level of their opponents. The best teams and Calgary somehow bring out the best in us, especially Connor. It’s officially been 15 days since our last win, and I’m sick of it. Chicago has weaknesses, and glaring holes. For as well as Chicago has played, they’ve been extremely mediocre on the power player, having clicked at only like 1.5% better than our man advantage, which royally sucks. So, when Milan Lucic and/or Pat Maroon take their guaranteed meaningless penalty three times in succession during the 1st, we’ll at least breathe easy knowing that the Hawks will struggle to find the net.

Oilers win 4-3. Let’s end this shit today. Puck drop’s at 6:30, let’s go.