Morning After Blog: The One Where We Lost to the Goddamn Jets

Before we recap, let’s briefly check in on a couple Canadian fan bases at this point – nine periods – into the season:

NINE periods!! That’s literally all it takes in this country. These people are truly incredible. Their ability to be completely convinced about the fate of their team after three games is simply unprecedented. The NFL may in fact be the only other sport where fans formulate conclusions at a similar degree of efficiency. The big difference between the two sports, however, is the NHL’s schedule is 66 games longer than the NFL’s. We have SEVENTY-NINE (79!!!!!) more games to play. That’s 237 periods of hockey, not including over time. I guarantee you there will be at least a couple of those 237 periods where the fellas play like a big load of ass. God knows we had one or a billion of those during the Lottery Era. Even the best teams lose games (excluding, of course, the 72 Dolphins). The only part that sucks about this whole thing is that we lost to my personal nemesis: Winnipeg. And now I have to relive it:

1st Period

So despite outshooting Winnipeg by literally double, it was the Peg that got on the board first. And then they got on the board second too. Connor “I don’t interview” Hellebuyck played like Ben Scrivens circa that one game against San Jose. Cam kind of played like his wife was days away from labour but also having a blue line play as ineptly as ours played doesn’t help the cause. Case and point, Kris Russell looked more lost than that dude Waldo on this goal:

Just completely and utterly incognizant to a 30 goal scorer skating wide open behind him into a scoring area.

Dmitry Kulikov floated an uncontested turd of a goal by the Iceman before the end of the frame.

2-0 WInnipeg

2nd Period

And we have HOPE (Hall, Omark, Paajarvi, Eberle LOL FUCK US SO HARD #OilChange):

First it was Leon, with his first Bury Sundae of the year, and a Connor McPoint on top. Then it was Baby Nuge getting his 2nd goal in two games. This was fun!! It lasted exactly 3 minutes and 15 seconds.

4-2 Jets because of Nikolaj Ehlers and his dumb way of spelling his name.

3rd Period

Ehlers added a late one on the power play, because of course he did. Four Pegger idiots threw their hats.

5-2 Jets


I know I gave that whole speech about putting your worry shorts back in the closet and everything like that but it isn’t too much to ask for a bit of an effort, that’s for sure. Couple of hellishly lacklustre performances in a row.

When I first saw the schedule I was absolutely irate that the NHL gave us a four day scheduled break literally after game three but now I’m kinda like meh okay this is good let’s regroup and go. Captain Connor’s gonna work the boys’ ears all week and get them back in a rhythm to kick Ottawa squarely in the nuts.

Baby NUGE has been going lately! QUICK Pistol, unload him for an ineffective third line forward before it’s too late!!!

Hey! Calgary finally snapped the curse and won a game in Anaheim!!:

Hottest Tweets of the Night

Just an outrageous way of spelling Draisaitl. Not even remotely in the vicinity.

Gator’s Grinder of the Game

Honestly, there wasn’t a helluva lot of gritensity last night, Gator would be upset. So when it doubt, give it to Kass.

Most Outstanding Player

This one’s easy. Nuge brought his hard hat and workers gear to the Rog yesterday. He drove his line all game and was rewarded with a breakaway torch job goal. Tyler Myers. Thought he’d be dead via Connor, didn’t see the Nuge bringing out the turbo gears on a casual Monday.