Morning After Blog: SEND THAT LOSING STREAK ON A ONE-WAY TRIP TO SATURN, WE BACK BABY!!!

First and DEFINITELY foremost:

Haven’t used that in FOREVER. You bet your damn ass he’s back. Cam dropping 30 saves all over opposing teams, just like the old days. I hope the “Stand Up” truthers had the most miserable evening.

Think about this, as terrible as we’ve been, and it’s been very fucking terrible, we’re still only four points behind Calgary, with a game in hand. Let’s go.

1st Period

I’ll be honest, I was flipping back and forth between this game and the football game last night. I missed every goal except the last one. I mean, obviously I saw the Connor goal. Fucking kids in Zimbabwe saw the Connor goal, that shit went viral faster than it took him to get around Duncan Keith. But I didn’t see Chicago’s first goal until I started making the gifs for this blog. And woof was it ever a big, sweaty fart:

When you’re trying to pile together eight or nine in a row during the third week of the year because you’re already that far behind, this is not the start you generally want to have. But it’s okay, because Connor McDavid.

Listen, realistically there are like maybe two things in life that get me uncontrollably fired up: Cool Runnings, and a Connor McBoner alert. Well fans, it’s boner time.

BOYS! If it’s still up it’s definitely been longer than four hours and I would highly recommend you call a doctor. The fans at the United Center should be kissing our cheeks for allowing Connor to bless them with his presence for one night. I wish he played every game at home. I never want to not be in the building when he chops a defenseman up like a young Deadpool. That was perennial NHL All Star and Olympic gold medalist Duncan Keith getting Connor’d. Just complete and utter disrespect for a long time veteran player. Humiliation at its core. Eeeeeeeekkk!!

 

I’d break it down more but what’s left to say? Daddy McDadderson picked up the puck about 750 feet from Anton Forsberg, sped down the ice like a Formula One car, activated his cheat codes, hammered the L2 button, danced around Duncan Keith like he was a fucking musical chair, then fed the Big Rig so the boy could EAT for what will definitely be the RAM 1v1 champion of the month. Sometimes, I think this isn’t real, and I’m going to wake up from this surreal dream only to find Toby Peterson is still playing first unit power play and Liam Reddox is getting 17 minutes a night and Devan Dubnyk is still doing shitty commercials while definitely not saving the puck. That would be detrimental to my health.

Anyways, let’s jump all the way to overtime!

OT

Connor was mauled on a play that probably-should-have-been-but-definitely-should-have-been a penalty shot, but somehow wasn’t a penalty shot. Instead, Patty Kane sat for almost two, and the Oil were given a chance to win it on the power play:

MARK LETESTUE. LORD OF THE POWER PLAY. Overrrrrrrrrrr timmeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee winner!!

THE STREAK IS OVER, EVERYBODY! THE STREAK IS OVER!!!

2-1 Oilers, final. Let’s fucking go!!

Thoughts

OHHH SHIT EDMONTON WE DANCIN’ TONIGHT!!

Suck it, Calgary.

Honestly Connor probably wouldn’t have scored on the p-shot b-way anyways, idiot refs.

That was Kailer’s best game as an NHLer. The first time all year I’d say he looked comfortable and relaxed. Hell yes so much.

I should have know that it was the Icetwins birthdays. That’s completely my bad. Had I know that I would have NEVER predicted Chicago to bury three. This was a guaranteed Oilers win, plus the under. Baby say it with me one more time:

I have to admit, Brad Malone has looked pretty damn good.

Kris Russell on the ice in overtime gives me the shits.

Speaking of Kris:

That’s our $16 million defensemen laying doggystyle on the ice while Patty Kane just dances right around him.

Ohhhhh you better believe the next one is against that mouth breathing buttwit Brandon Manning. Last time we played him his face accidentally collided with Patty Maroon’s fist about 30,000 times.

Hottest Tweets of the Night

OOOHH GUYS this is a piper of a hot one:

Gator’s Grinder of the Game

I didn’t watch the majority of it but Kassian steamrolled Ryan Hartman from behind and since that shit didn’t come back to haunt us I’ll say he was our GGG.

Most Outstanding Player

This was the first close one of the year. I wanted to give it to Cam so bad, but that Patty Kane goal was just so bad. For all the minutes I watched Connor, he never made a mistake. Was just constantly burning dudes left and right. He had two points, which brings him to eight in six, and most importantly he was probably the reason we got a win last night. I’ll never forget thta spin move as long as I exist.

MAGOO!

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