Right After the Game Blog: Will Somebody Please Pick Kris Russell Up Off Ice?

What the actual fuck was that? Jordan Eberle got traded so Kris Russell could lay flat on his stomach basically every time we play. Oh okay. I’ve had it. Fuck this guy. He’s under contract with the Edmonton Oilers for 1,349 more days. Happy fucking Saturday.

1st Period

God dammit:

2nd Period

The Big Rig was hungry:

But it didn’t matter because Kris was tired and wanted to lay down for the second game in a row.

3rd Period

You mega idiot.

Fuck This Shit

I’m upset. I think I started the Morning After Blogs because I usually needed a day to cool off my emotions — high or low. But the game ended at 1:30 today so I really didn’t have a goddamn choice. Wait a full 24 hours to recap what we watched, or cover it on an extreme emotional level while it was still relevant. So here we are. Kris Russell is a bum. He is a big, huge, massive, surreal bum.

We gave him four years and $16 goddamn million because the Pistol said he has his own, fancy, made up fairy tale bullshit fucking stat for monitoring the importance of players that nobody else has either seen or believes in. All of the moronic media in this town pinned it as a good deal because “there was nothing else out there!” and yet I’m watching Cody Franson excel in Chicago and literally anybody else would have been better at this point anyways so COME ON.


Where are all the Talbot “Stand Up” truthers begging for Kris Russell to stand up? Four years, $16 million.


Kailer looked good at least.

Our mainstream media, everybody!

Hottest Tweet of the Day

OKAY Paul. You oblivious buffoon. Let’s have a look at it again:

In real time:

And from the Krizzzzz Angle:

All Talbot did was follow the entire play as it happened until Kris Russell — who is six years too late on the planking fad — impeding Talbot’s movement over to Simmonds because his $16 million legs are stuffed in the crease. This is a sick, twisted, nightmarish joke. Ovechkin chokes when it fucking matters, you idiot. I’m tweeting him this picture. I’m furious.


Gator’s Grinder of the Game

Patty Maroon but special shout out to Kris Russell’s sweater. Been a long time since we watched an Oilers jersey lay motionless on the ice for that long:

Most Outstanding Player

Talbot. Now leave me alone to sulk.